


Avenging is supposed to be justified

by CoulsonsHawk



Series: Finding a family [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Revenge, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-21 00:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoulsonsHawk/pseuds/CoulsonsHawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint/Phil, slash. Sequel to 'Lean on me'. Clint suffers from a mysterious illness and his friends have to find a way to save him. Time is against them and they have to accept that he might not make it. Phil breaks under the pressure and they all learn a few things about their own feelings regarding their archer. Not a death-fic and no beta, yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avenging is supposed to be justified

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicated the story to readers at ff.net who asked for Steve and Clint bonding in the 'Lean on me'- universe and a sick Clint. I was already thinking about a fic where I poison Clint and I decided to combine all of it. My ideas their wishes and that's what happened. I don't think that's what you were waiting for, sorry.  
> Medical stuff and so on is all made up, I'm not a doctor just a sociall worker.

"Where are you going?" Clint entered their bedroom. He was up early and had hit the shower while Phil snored softly. The older man needed his sleep after pulling an all-nighter.

"There are complications with the Garcia case. Franks blew it and I have to pick up the pieces," Phil wasn't happy to leave his archer again. He was barely at home anymore, most part of the last month he spent at HQ or somewhere he couldn't tell Clint about right away and he had no idea why. Okay that wasn't entirely true but he wasn't sure either. Phil suspected that Nick tried to force Clint to handle his problems on his own without Phil around to help. It was a stupid plan, if it was one, because there was nothing Phil could do to help his archer cope faster.

Fury was too impatient and risked Clint's welfare with his pushy personality. One thing Phil knew for sure was that Nick meant well, in his own unique way.

"Be careful, okay?" Clint could see how much Phil disagreed with Fury's decision to send him away but who could say no to the director once he voiced an order?

"Always," Coulson kissed his lover lovingly. "I'm back as fast as I can." He hated to work on weekends, especially because Clint disliked his workaholic tendencies. He vowed to slow down but life seemed to interfere with his good intentions on purpose just to see him struggle.

Clint smiled, "I know." He appreciated Phil's try to avoid extra work but he was an agent himself and knew damn well how hard it was to stay out of trouble and avoid extra work. Staying on Fury's good side was one way for Phil to stay in the older man's favor. They're friends but they knew just as well that Nick would probably sell his mother's soul to the devil for his lifework. "When will you come home?"

"In one or two days," he held his archer close to his body. "I'm sorry."

"You can't stop the world from turning at weekends," the blond gave his lover a sympathetic smile. "I understand. Important is that Phil comes back to me after the job is done, Coulson stays at the office."

Phil smirked, "No role-play?" They weren't really into role-playing but Clint loved to call him sir, it was an endearment and the only reminder of agent Coulson he wanted at home. The archer used the word since they started working together in every possible context and some things shouldn't be changed.

The archer blushed and shivered, "Now I'm horny thank you very much." He pushed Phil in the direction of the door, "You should leave before Fury bursts in here, guns blazing. I expect suggestions when you return, agent Coulson sir." He winked, wearing his famous grin.

"I have ten minutes left before the car arrives," Phil stopped closing the entrance door again.

"Ten," Clint said seductively and Phil knew he was in trouble, oh boy, Clint went down on his knees. Phil had no idea how Clint did what he did but his last minute blowjobs were mind blowing. His wicked tongue wasn't just good to form witty remarks.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Do you want to come with me?" Barney joined his brother in the kitchen. The older Barton had finished his training a few months ago and was now a real S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Nick granted him permission to accept Stark's offer to move into the tower.

"Sure." Clint huffed, "We always go running together."

"Wasn't sure you had other plans," the older Barton smirked.

"He's on his way to assist Fury with an operation."

"On Sunday?"

"On Sunday," his lover was Nick's best agent after all. "Let's go," he gave his brother a childish smile. Sometimes he forgot they weren't kids anymore. Okay his brain remembered but his heart was all too ready to forget and forgive.

"Geez, you're whipped," Barney muttered but it was okay. His brother was happy and when his devotion to Coulson made him happy everything was fine.

Clint gave him a cheeky grin, "I'm not so sure I'm the extremely devoted one."

His little brother was right the agent had a few sensitive moments but mostly he was just distant. Not with Clint, never with Clint. But with the rest of the world, there was no doubt that he was a nice man and caring but he was able to hide it well. Barney guessed that the older man wasn't used to show he cared, his eyes told more than his expression and body language ever could. His behavior towards Clint was so different it was hard to believe it was the same man. He smiled, truly genuine, and he loved to touch Clint more than was necessary and more he ever saw normal couples touch. Their job had probably a huge influence on their behavior. "Freaks."

"I know," Clint grabbed his brother's arm and dragged him out of the apartment. "We don't have all day."

"Strictly speaking, we do."

"Ha-ha. You know what I mean, and Cap wants us to join them for dinner, and movie night."

"Movie night on Sunday? That's stupid." He had to be at HQ on Monday like all the good and hardworking little agents the agency bred.

"I know but they were too busy with planning Pepper's and Happy's wedding, so they decided to adjourn movie night."

"Planning? You mean interfering. What do we watch anyway?" Barney wasn't sure he would survive one more Indiana Jones movie. It wasn't his thing, Clint on the other hand liked the first movies.

"James Bond, Skyfall I think."

"Really?" Barney said in a flabbergasted tone.

"Yeah, really. Don't like it either but it's Cap's pick tonight," Clint shrugged before he started running.

They ran through their favorite park. Children played on the playground, tired parents watching them. The park was well-frequented and never lacked a huge amount of life.

Clint and Barney talked about this and that while they ran, their sixth round. Sometimes just running was a little boring.

A young woman ran right into Clint the moment he focused on his brother for a second, "OW, are you alright?" He grabbed her arms to prevent her from falling.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," she stuttered. "I wasn't paying attention. Did I hurt you?"

"No, I'm fine. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"No, no. Thanks for keeping me upright, a fall would have hurt. I'm Rachel," she offered him her hand.

"Clint," he shook her hand with a smile on his face. He could see his brother's dirty grin from the corner of his eye.

"Nice meeting you," she lowered her gaze. "I should go," she smiled briefly before she dashed away.

"Buddy she has it bad for you. I wouldn't be surprised to see her more often." It wasn't the first time someone bumped into his little brother to gain attention or tried to get into his pants by flat out asking to get a number or date. It could be a little frustrating at times to see how much attention his brother got. Barney was damn pretty himself but it seemed he lacked something his brother obviously had. The question was what?

"Ah shut up," Clint rubbed his side where she crushed into. "Let's go back," she was strong for such a petite person he had to give her credit for that. His side ached a little.

"Beaten by a woman?"

"Other than Natasha? Never," Clint patted his brother's back before he darted off in direction of the tower. Barney laughed at him for the rest of the day, irritating him with witty comments.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hey Tony," Clint stood in the entrance way of Stark's lab. "Can I join you?"

"Sure," Tony grinned. "You don't have to ask. I like having you here, two brains are better than one." He sighed inwardly, no matter how often he told Clint to just enter and join the archer kept his distance. Watching him from afar to study his mood before he dared to ask. Some days he came and left shortly after without asking for permission to stay. Something was scaring him away on these days and Tony had no idea what exactly the cause was. What bothered him most was that Clint never asked how things worked, so he made it his mission to explain anything that might be interesting for the archer if he wanted to or not.

Clint dragged a chair next to Tony's, "Thank you."

"Nothing to thank for," Tony tried to grin even more. "I'm working on a new upgrade for your bow. The new bow S.H.I.E.L.D. provided you with caused you some grief during our last fight against Hydra. Don't look so surprised, I notice things. Especially imperfection in regard of electronics."

"Did you figure it out? What's wrong with the bow I mean."

"The balance is off but I think you know that already. The electronic components are wired the wrong way, I don't know who build that one but he or she is an idiot. That's why you chose accidently the wrong arrowhead. It wasn't your fault at all. The program which should have chosen the explosive arrowhead is linked to the sonic arrowheads. It's irresponsible to give you such a lousy bow. They should have tested it first, I don't understand why they gave it to you."

"I got the order to test it on living targets," Clint stared at the blue prints on Tony's desk. "It's not the first time one of my bows malfunctioned. The people in R&D don't like me much. I heard they have a bet running, it's about me and missing a target."

"I make you a new one and you will not touch anything R&D provides you with before I say it's safe to do so." Tony's voice was strong with a hint of concern, he meant what he said and his protectiveness took Clint by surprise. He knew Tony cared for him but not how deeply.

"Deal."

"Good," Stark's smile returned, "Now let's take a look at this." He opened a hologram with the details for the new bow.

"Pretty," the archer admired the holographic bow.

"Do you have a wish? I can still change things."

Clint licked his lower lip while he tilted his head to the left. Tony hated the insecurity in his friend's eyes.

"Can you, uhm, I'd like to have it signed by you guys. Phil and Nat always engrave their names in my bow for protection and luck. I know superstition is stupid, but I feel better that way," he rushed, feeling like a fool.

Tony stared at him for a moment in surprise before his eyes started gleaming, "Consider it done. Do you think I should let you sign the armor? But running around covered in autographs would look kind of strange. The bow is more elegant and better suited for protection charms. I can ask Thor for an Asgardian charm," he went on and on and on, taking Clint's embarrassment away with each word that passed his lips.

Steve had to drag them out of the lab to join them for dinner and a movie. The evening was quiet and luckily the villains seemed to have taken a day off too. Phil's absence was disappointing but Clint managed his friends without his lover's help. He was almost back to his old shiny self except from a few lasting effects regarding his behavior around his friends but all he needed to reduce said effects was time and their patience.

Clint rubbed his eyes, he felt exhaust.

"Are you alright?" Natasha gave him a worried look. "Getting sick?"

"I'm not sure, could be the beginning of a cold. I go to bed," he got up and his head felt a little fuzzy.

Barney moved so fast Clint wasn't aware his brother had reached out for him, steadying him. "Clint?"

"I got up too fast," he smiled sheepishly. "I'm fine."

"If you say so," the older Barton let go of his brother's upper-arms. "Call if you need anything."

"JARVIS takes care of me," the archer patted his brother's shoulder while the AI agreed that he would take good care of Master Barton. "Goodnight guys."

They wished him a good night and watched him go with worry in their hearts.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hawkeye, I could need some help," Tony panted, avoiding the tentacle of a huge robot octopus, not related to Doc Ock.

"I'm on my way," Clint jumped from one roof to the next. He landed on his third roof and was slightly out of breath, that wasn't like him. Normally he could do that all day, no lie he'd tried. He aimed and fired his explosive arrows at one of the many artificial eyes.

"It's working, do that again," Cap ordered. Clint rubbed the sweat from his eyes, his vision blurred for a moment and he had to take a deep breath to focus again, "damn," he mumbled.

"Hawkeye report," a familiar voice appeared in his ear and he had to smile.

"Welcome back sir. Blowing up eyes, sir, nothing much to tell."

A smile tugged on the corner of Phil's lips, he heard about a giant robo-octopus on his way back to the tower and he knew instantly that he would find his fosterlings right in the middle of the disaster. "That's all?" Hearing his lover swear was not unusual but the way he did that was. Normally it was loud and clearly audible to anyone who listened but this time it bordered on distress.

"That's all, sir." He blinked furiously to clear his vision, "How was the trip?" He needed something else to focus on and Phil's smooth voice was his first choice, and would always be.

"Uneventful," Coulson looked around to assess the situation. He waved his hand to order agents in every possible direction to provide back up or cordon off the battle area, "there was not much left to do."

"Why am I not surprised," Clint tried to keep his voice light even though he felt like shit. "Survivors?"

"Not many," he answered vague it was an open line after all. He knew the Avengers wouldn't walk around and tell what was said on the radio but better safe than sorry and his fellow agents liked to gossip. But Clint knew the rules, he asked what he knew was common knowledge and Phil answered as much as he could. They would talk about the details at home, if Fury liked it or not. It was the only worry the director had regarding fraternization but he knew them well enough to know the secrets they shared were safe with them.

"Sorry, sir."

"I know you are, but there's no reason to be," Phil's tone of voice softened a little. "Trickshot where are you?"

An arrow pierced through one of the octupus eyes, "Here." The older Barton was just as childish as Clint and Phil kind of liked that. He needed a long time to figure out how Clint worked and it was nice to have the knowledge to handle one more Barton. Maria laughed at him as he told her that he got another Barton on the team, she told him that she believed that he'd developed a fetish for sassy lunatics with a fable for archery. He had flipped her off and left her in the break room, he'd wished he had a camera to keep the moment her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide at his rather unlike Coulson behavior. Clint was rubbing off on him and he loved it.

"Good shot," Phil praised. The older Barton needed approval, a lot, and Coulson would give him as much as he needed.

"I know," Barney grinned to himself, he really liked his brother-in-law. Coulson made him feel important and appreciated. He would even go so far and say he'd die for the older man, not for his brother's sake but for the older man himself. He was too nice to die early. It was the first time he felt about people that way, except from his brother of course. Coulson and the Avengers were his family and he'd make sure to keep what he had.

"I know 'best marksman'," Phil rolled his eyes, he was so like Clint.

"Damn straight sir." The Barton brother's said in unison.

"Shoot the damn thing so we can go," Coulson ordered with a hint of a smile in his voice.

Cap destroyed two tentacles with help of his shield while Iron Man landed on top of the octopus and tinkered with a control console hidden beneath a panel.

Where is Thor when you need him? Clint fired his last arrow, blowing up the second last eye.

"Got it," Tony cheered while he ripped out the control system. "And it didn't explode."

"Good work Iron Man, I'm proud of you for not blowing up anything," Phil stated dryly.

"Was that sarcasm Agent Agent?" Tony said in a mock hurt tone. "I risked my life up here choosing which unit to destroy to save our lives and that's how you thank me? I'm hurt."

"Report in two hours."

"Now that's mean."

"No that's how I thank you for annoying the hell out of me."

Clint would have laughed if he hadn't been so busy with standing upright. He felt sick and tired, not sure if he could make the way down on his own. So he sat down for a moment and hoped for the best. His heart beat too fast and he could feel the funny feeling inside his chest a high blood pressure caused. His hands were shaky and his stomach churned, all that made it hard not to freak out.

"Go back to the tower, I'll handle the debrief with the director." Phil got into his SUV and headed back for HQ, waiting a moment before he turned off his radio.

"I was wrong you do love us," Tony smirked. "Thanks Agent Agent."

"Don't push too hard Stark or I might change my mind." He heard Tony close his mouth with a click when his teeth clashed.

Clint was the last who arrived at the tower, except from Phil who was still at HQ busy with one of the meetings he hated so much. The archer snuck into their apartment and took his favorite blanket before he went down to the communal floor to watch some TV.

He hated being alone especially when he was sick. To his relief he didn't look that sick anymore since he got some rest on the roof.

"What are you watching?" Cap joined him after a while.

"The biggest loser," he liked to see how people won against themselves. It wasn't about beating the others it was about beating yourself. These people were strong, they want to change things, and deserved to reach their goals after fighting so hard for it.

"Coulson's influence?" The super soldier sat down on the couch opposite Clint.

"Not this one," the archer smiled. "I admire their willpower."

"You posses a huge amount of inner strength too, just in case you doubt yourself."

"I always doubt myself ol' man."

"I know," Cap said gently. "Where is your brother?"

"He practices with Natasha and Bruce," Clint tried to hide a shiver. He felt cold.

"Are you alright?" Nothing went unnoticed by Steve since the incident with his parents.

"I think I get a cold, nothing to worry about."

"Do you want a tea? Or soup?"

"No thank you. I'm fine," he yawned.

"Get some sleep," Steve got up an turned off the TV before he crouched down in front of the couch Clint lay on. He touched the archer's cheek and forehead to check his temperature. Clint gave him a funny look the boy was for sure not used to such kind of attention. "You don't have a fever."

Clint reacted on instinct and before he knew it he reached out and grabbed Steve's hand before he could draw it away. "I'm sorry." He let go of the hand once he comprehended what he had done.

Steve gave him a gentle smile and took Clint's hand, giving it a squeeze. "It's okay. Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?" He would do it one way or the other.

"I'd like that," Clint blushed, that was awkward but at the same time it felt so right.

Steve shifted to find a more comfortable position, "Sleep now," he held the kid's hand while he drifted off to sleep, watching over him like a father would for his sick infant.

::::::::::::::::::::::

Phil found his lover fast asleep on the couch hours later. The archer looked pale and his skin was a bit too cold for his liking. "Clint," he caressed his archer's cheek to wake him gently.

"Phil?" He rubbed his eyes, "How was the briefing?"

"Long," Phil sat down on the couch after Clint moved to make some space. "Lie down," he put an arm around Clint's shoulder and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Clint let out a content sigh before he rested his head on Coulson's lap, "missed you."

"I know."

"How are you?"

"You're the one who's sick, shouldn't I ask you that?"

"Just a cold," Clint dismissed even though he knew it couldn't be a common cold. It felt different but he had no idea what was going on either.

"I hope so," his lover tended to downplay illnesses and injuries. With Clint his little cold could be pneumonia. "Franks lost most of his team and a few civilians got hurt in the crossfire. It wasn't his fault, someone ratted him out. There was nothing Franks could do to save his agents. We think it was Willows who sold them out but we can't ask her anymore."

"Dead?"

"Headshot," Phil wanted to resurrect her just to shoot her personally.

"She deserved that," selling the lives of comrades, or innocents, for money was a sin.

Hurting non-participants was unforgivable.

"She did. Franks will never forgive himself though, I'm not sure he'll return into the field."

"He's not the first handler who lost agents. You, Maria and Jasper lost many over the years and you always return."

"I feel guilty and every death hit me hard but I..., it's not professional but I still have the agents who truly matter to me."

"Does that mean you'd quit without me and Natasha?"

"Yeah, that's what it means." Phil hated being unprofessional but he couldn't help it, they were his world.

"Love you too," Clint closed his eyes and rubbed his palm over the fabric of Phil's pants, above his knee.

The older man smiled lovingly, "bed?"

"Can we stay here for a few more minutes? I feel good right now."

"Sure," he switched on the TV searching for something worth watching. He knew what a few minutes meant when Clint said that. One or two hours were more likely than ten or twenty minutes. Phil was right his archer slept snuggled against him for almost two hours before he stretched with a yawn. Phil studied his lover and was satisfied to see that he looked better than before. His skin gained some color back and didn't feel so cold anymore, "Hungry?"

"Not really," Clint rubbed his eyes his vision was still a little blurry but he felt well rested. "But I'm in the mood for welcome back sex." He wiggled his brows.

"I'm not sure you're up to it, and I'm not so keen on catching your cold."

"Such a shame," Clint smiled even though he felt a little disappointed. "Paperwork I can help you with?"

Phil raised a brow, "absolutely not."

The archer began to laugh, warming Phil's heart with the delighting sound. "Super Nanny?"

"Maybe I learn some tricks for handling you guys. Do you think I should park Stark's ass on the stair sometimes?"

"Do you think he stays there? Okay, you're scary he probably would sit there all day but the risk that he blows up the entire building out of boredom is pretty high."

"Half of town is more likely, or starting a dispute between us and Namo." Stark and Namo hated each other, Phil had no idea why but he guessed it was because they were both idiots with megalomania tendencies.

"Sounds like fun," Clint could sound as deadpan as Phil if he wanted to.

Phil chuckled, "People tend to think Cap and Tony are the parents of the Avengers but I dare to say that is our job on the team."

"Steve makes me feel like a boy, so I understand why they think that way. But they're not more mature than I am that's for sure."

"No they're not," Phil agreed. "But we're the oldest couple here."

"Hard to believe we're together for so long. I still love you the way I did back then, maybe even more."

"I can't picture life without you," Phil bent forward to place butterfly kissed along Clint's jaw. "We promised each other for better or worse, for the first time, in the middle of a desert. We went through tons of hardship but here we are."

"We're too stubborn to give in," Clint captured Phil's lips with his own. "Thank you for making me so happy."

"You're welcome," Phil whispered against Clint's lips before they kissed again.

"Aw, stop I don't wanna see this," Tony covered his eyes dramatically. "Mom and dad make out on the couch." He told Steve who walked right behind him.

"Weirdo," Steve shook his head and joined them. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, a lot. Thank you for helping me sleep."

"Nothing to thank for," Cap glanced at Phil. The agent's eyes narrowed for a moment. "I held his hand, nothing more." He felt the heavy urge to justify his actions.

Phil's expression relaxed, "He feels easily abandoned when he's sick." The older agent explained, he knew it was stupid to feel jealous of Captain America because he was absolutely not Clint's type but his heart disagreed at times.

"I noticed," Steve smiled. "What are you watching?"

A sly grin appeared on Clint's face, "Super Nanny. 101 for handling super wackos."

"Sounds good," Tony answered before Steve could say anything. "Mind if we join you? Maybe we learn a few tricks to bypass the educational methods Coulson picks up."

"Do you truly believe that's possible?" Steve stated dryly, a skill he picked up from Coulson and Clint.

Tony glared at his lover, "I'm Tony Stark." Duh.

"Definitely not possible," Steve winked at Clint while Tony huffed in annoyance. He loved to see the archer smile with glittering eyes. The young man seemed happy and that was a very good sign even though he gave up the habit to talk during movies to point out mistakes or voice a thought.

Phil sighed deeply. "Idiots?" Clint whispered. "Idiots," Phil agreed.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

"What's the problem?" Clint stood in the kitchen, hands on his hips. Tony and Steve watched in awe while Clint fought with Phil. They'd never seen them fight, not this way. A little dispute here and there was normal but this was different. Clint was short tempered and annoyed while Phil was jealous of one of the baby agents.

"What's wrong? You flirted with her, that's wrong. While I stood next to you."

"I was always a flirt, it's a part of me. It helped me survive on the streets, and got me fed on occasions."

"You're not on the street anymore and I tell you again and again that I hate it when you flirt with anyone not mission related."

"Don't let us do this now," Clint sighed angrily. He hated it when he made Phil angry and the older man had every right to be angry at him. Clint knew that Phil struggled with their age difference and their differences in appearance but after all this time his lover should know that he was faithful.

"So we wait until you jump off a roof again to impress the ladies?"

Ah, that's the problem, "I jumped off the roof to shoot the maniac in time before he could fire at YOU," Clint raised his voice, he knew how scared Phil was whenever he fell off a building. "I don't give a damn about your baby agents."

"Didn't seem that way, leaning into her touch and undressing her with your eyes," Phil knew he wasn't fair. Clint didn't flirt more than usual but the agent seemed very eager to have Clint's attention.

"I stared at her for a moment because she looks kind of familiar but I can't figure out why, that's all," he felt out of breath. Clint leaned against the counter to steady himself, his head felt fuzzy again and a tingling sensation spread through his muscles. "Can we kiss and make up now? I don't feel so well."

Phil felt stupid for picking up a fight about something he knew the answer to, Clint was faithful and would never stray. What angered him most was Clint jumping off a building again and he was sure Clint knew that too. The woman was just the last straw. "Yeah, come here," Phil opened his arms to invite his lover into an embrace but Clint never made it so far. His knees gave out a few steps from Phil away and he sank to the ground. Steve jumped out of his chair and caught Clint before the archer hit the ground. "Clint?"

Tony called 911 while Phil crouched down next to his archer, "Love, wake up." He hit gently against Clint's cheek to get a reaction.

The archer opened his eyes, his gaze was unfocused and dull. His muscles twitched a few times before it turned into a seizure.

Steve and Phil tried to prevent him from choking and hurting himself too much, it wasn't easy but they managed to keep him as safe as possible until the seizure stopped.

Phil's heart raced, beating painfully against his ribcage, seeing the love of his life spasm burned itself deep into his mind. The pained sound which escaped Clint's lips were pure torture for them, and the archer of course. Steve was pale and overwhelmed with what was happening. His boy was fine a few seconds ago and suddenly he held the cramping kid in his arms. It was hard not to give in the urge to restrain him and letting him go instead. Cap looked up searching for Tony's gaze to beg silently for help, an answer, anything.

Stark stood rooted to the spot he couldn't take off his eyes off the scene in front of him. He was in shock and he had no idea what to do, it was rare for him to be at a loss. It was absolutely the wrong moment for his brain to refuse working but he couldn't help it, it was not his area of expertise. Humans were a riddle to him, diseases, their hearts and souls. How machines worked was easy to figure out but the skill to figure out what truly mattered right now seemed so alien to him it hurt. "Help is on the way," he choked out.

Steve gave him a nod, "Do you hear? You have to hold on, Clint."

Phil kissed Clint's sweaty forehead after the seizure subsided, "You have to fight whatever it is you have to fight. We'll figure out what's wrong with you in no time, do you hear?" He caressed Clint's cheek while he studied his lover's lifeless form. The archer was still breathing but his pulse was weak.

The arrival of the paramedics alarmed the rest of the team and they gathered in the lobby to see what was happening. To their surprise it was Hawkeye on the stretcher with an oxygen mask on his handsome face. Phil held his hand the whole way to the ambulance and during the ride to HQ, muttering encouragements and promises.

"What happened?" Barney demanded an answer, fear was written all over his face.

"We don't know," Tony held Steve's hand, tightening his hold while he talked. "He collapsed, and he had a seizure."

"But he will be alright, right?" Barney looked so hopeful it tore on Steve's heart.

"We don't know son, we don't know."

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Natasha observed her friends behavior and she had never seen them so shaken. Sure it wasn't the first time Coulson paced the corridors in medical, glaring and snapping at anything that moved, but Captain America and Tony Stark were visibly shaken as well and that was a reason to worry. "Don't worry," Bruce whispered into her ear. "He will be fine in no time, annoying the hell out of us."

"I don't know Bruce," she leaned against him for comfort. "Something scared them, and that is a good reason to worry."

"Yeah, I know," the big guy inside him was agitated too. Hawkeye was his best, and only, friend. Bruce had a lot of friends but Hulk only cared for his cupid, of course he protected all of them but Hawkeye was different, more important in his eyes.

"Phil?" She asked softly. The older man sat on a chair in the corner of the waiting area, his elbows rested on his knees and his upper-body was slightly bent. He looked tired and pale, the worry was taking its toll on the agent. The doctors ran test after test, not saying a word about his condition. He was ready to snap and she wouldn't stop him from wringing a doctor's neck.

"We were fighting," Phil felt utterly miserable. "The last thing we did was argue."

"That's not entirely true," Steve interfered. "You made up."

"It doesn't count," what if Clint died without knowing how sorry he was? What if Clint was too sad to fight for his life?

"It does count," Tony grumbled. "He loves you, you love him. End of story and he isn't dead."

"We tricked death for over a decade, it was bound to happen sooner or later." Phil was scared of the day they had to part, he hoped they had a long, very long, life ahead of them but they were agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Don't give up on him before we even know what's wrong," Natasha raised her voice with intention to break through Coulson melancholy.

Coulson took a deep breath before he let out a shaky breath, "I should have known it wasn't a cold. Not the right symptoms."

"Agent Coulson?" A doctor entered the waiting area, with a clipboard in hand.

"Speak!" Coulson ordered after the doctor's silence stretched on far too long for his liking.

"It's a virus," he swallowed hard, the agent's glare was unnerving. "We can't identify it. Sir, we believe it was made in a lab for the purpose to kill individuals not the general public. It's not contagious but nasty."

They gapped at the doctor, not believing their ears. That was impossible, it couldn't be true.

"I want to help," Bruce got up and took the chart out of the doctors hand. "Tony, come with me."

Stark nodded and followed Bruce down to the lab to find a cure for their friend.

"Any idea who's clever enough to cultivate such a virus," Coulson kept his voice strong and demanding but his soul was crying out for his archer.

"I have no idea, I'm sorry."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course," the doctor showed them the direction to the room. Barney followed Coulson in silence, he didn't feel like talking. The others talked enough for ten people. He wasn't ready to lose his little brother again. They got along so well.

Phil grabbed a chair and placed it next to Clint's bed, there was no way he would leave his husband's side, "Hey Clint." He reached out and placed his hand on top of Clint's head, gently ruffling his hair.

"Hey sir," Clint was awake and coherent enough to understand what was going on around him. "I love you Phil."

Phil's hand stilled for a moment, "It's not over yet. You have to hold on until we find a cure."

The archer moved his hand closer to the edge of the bed where Phil's elbow rested, "Just in case, sir. Hey Barney, come here or do you want to stand in the corner all day?"

"Naw, I'm too lazy to stand around all day," he sat down opposite from Coulson and took Clint's hand into his own, "You're trouble baby bro."

"I have a reputation to keep," he tried to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. There was no humor in his heart with the prospect of dying pretty soon.

"Bruce and Tony are working on a solution, and I will do what I do best," Natasha vowed while she brushed her lips over the cool skin of Clint's cheek, "Spy, torture and destroy."

"I know you will," he coughed. "I'm proud to be worthy enough to be your friend."

"Shut up," she huffed and left as fast as she could. She didn't want Clint to see the tears in her eyes. It was hard enough as it was.

"Phil, how bad is it really?" Clint gave his handler a sad look, breaking his heart even more in the process.

"Bad," his traitorous eyes began to water and he gave up the fight against his tears. "I'm not sure I can bail you out this time."

"Neither can I," Barney rubbed his own tears away with his free hand. He wasn't used to cry in front of people but it was a special case, his baby brother was close to dying. Everyone had a right to cry then.

"It's okay," the resignation in the archer's posture and voice was something they never witnessed before. Clint was too stubborn to give up, beatings, bullets nothing stopped him from recovering. But the disease seemed to have a strong psychological effect on Clint. They couldn't even blame him, an injury was different from a disease without a known cure.

"We will find the person and we will get an antidote," Barney promised.

"It's okay," Clint pretended to be stronger than he was. "At least I'm not dying along."

Barney made a choked sound and hurried out of the room, he couldn't cope with his brother's attitude so he decided to find the culprit and rip his beating heart out. He couldn't lose his little brother, Clint was the kid, the baby of the Barton family. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right.

"Barney?" Natasha frowned as he passed her without stopping. "Where're you going?"

He said nothing and that was answer enough for her. She was trained to see and hear the things people didn't say or do. The older Barton was at the end of his tether. He was a strong and stubborn man but not where his heart was concerned. The Barton boys were vulnerable like children. She let out an angry yell and punched the wall next to her, scaring the nurse and agent who walked by. It can't end like this. There must be a clue. Hold on brother hold on. Her mind came up with many possible options but just thinking would get her nowhere. The Black Widow set out on a quest to save her brother by choice, she would hunt every suspect down even if she had to kill every single resident of NYC, including her own fellow agents, she would find a trace. Natasha followed Barney and convinced him to join her on her vendetta. Black Widow and Trickshot went off the grid, causing Fury lots of grief but the director ignored it gladly if it helped to save Hawkeye's life. He used his own resources to spread the word of a furious agency. Head-money and death warrants for anyone who crossed their path. The criminal community was more than eager to offer their help but they were equally clueless.

Clint's condition didn't change during the last two days but his body was slowly shutting down. His blood pressure spiked and dropped so fast his doc was sure he would get an heart attack soon.

Tony and Bruce practically lived in the lab, working, testing and screaming in frustration.

Steve made it his mission to make sure the scientists got enough rest and food, and he offered Clint and Phil as much comfort as possible. He held the kid's hand for hours while he talked about his youth and the war and the things he still hadn't figured out after coming back. Phil was grateful for the distraction and the chance to get some rest. The nurses brought a second bed into the room because they knew there was no chance in hell that the agent would leave his assets side. Phil was relieved to know that Steve was watching over his lover, he was safe in the old soldiers hands. Steve would inform him about the slightest change in condition so there was no risk to sleep through Clint's demise. Not that he wanted his archer to die but he came to the conclusion that his worst fear might come true.

Phil sighed softly and curled up on himself while he dozed off into a restless sleep.

"Steve?" Clint looked at him, wearily. He had pretended to sleep so Phil could get some rest, the older man would never lie down as long as Clint was awake.

"Yes, kiddo?" Cap held Clint's hand in a firm grip.

"Take care of him for me okay?"

The pain and finality in the archer's voice tore on his heart, "As long as I live." It was hard to talk with all the choking emotions inside his chest and mind. "But I think you're better suited to care for him. I have no idea what he needs, except from you."

"You have to save him from himself," Clint squeezed Steve's hand. He was scared to die and the knowledge that he would leave Phil behind to fend for himself made the whole fiasco even more unbearable.

"No one can save him when you die," he was sure of that. He tried to imagine what Clint and Phil must be feeling, and the thought that he might lose Tony made him feel like something was dying inside him.

"You have to try," the archer was desperate.

"I will Clint, I promise but you have to fight so we don't have to test if we're enough to comfort him."

"He will quit S.H.I.E.L.D. and vanish, I know he will. He needs a purpose in life, maybe Tony has a job for him. The Maria Stark foundation would be a good option," Phil needed people he could care for. Something he could fight for.

"We will think about it when it's nearer the time," he wouldn't let go of his boy. He'd even fight death one on one if he could keep the kid by his side. "Tony and Bruce are working on a cure, you know them. They aren't always the fastest ones but they will appear before you know it." They will find a cure even when it's at the last minute, they'd never forgive themselves if not, especially Tony.

Clint fell silent, he didn't dare to hope. He wanted to live so badly. There was a time he would have taken his destiny without much remorse. He had nothing to live for, nobody who cared for him, or he was too stubborn to believe that they cared. It was so typical for him to die right then when he finally found something that was worth living for. He had a solid relationship with Phil, his relationship with the Avengers was reliable and strong and his broken relationship with Barney was finally whole again. It was frustrating and he felt like life was taunting him, laughing right into his face.

"Clint?" Steve interrupted his bitter thoughts. Oh how he loved the soldier. He was gentle and caring, he was everything a father should be.

"Hmm?"

"Promise to fight, to hold on until we find a way to save you."

Clint gave him a long look before he nodded, "I do what I can, ol' man."

"What's bothering you? Aside from the obvious." There was something in their Hawk's eyes that he couldn't identify.

"I'm not sure how to tell you that."

"Just try," Steve encouraged.

"I- I love you ol' man, like a daddy," Clint rushed, lowering his voice while he talked until it was nothing more than a whisper. He needed to say it before he missed his chance. He didn't want to take his hidden love for Steve with him into the grave. He had enough regrets he would take to the grave.

Steve's features softened and he gave Clint a genuine smile, "Love you too, son." Cap placed his large hand on Clint's head and rubbed with his thumb over the heated skin and sweaty hair. Clint leaned into the touch, glad that Steve felt the same way. It would have been embarrassing if not. It was still embarrassing but it was bearable. The genuine expression on Steve's face told him that the soldier was not lying to make him feel better. No, Captain America meant what he said.

"Fight for us," Steve's eyes shimmered wetly. "I don't want to lose you."

Clint closed his eyes, he was exhaust and a few tears ran down his cheeks. He was emotionally too drained to fight them. He sniffled softly, swallowing hard, "I don't want to go." His voice broke, he started to cry. The archer panicked, "I don't want to die. Steve."

Cap got up and took the crying archer into his strong arms, rubbings soothing circles over his back while he whispered against his temple. He promised to find a way, to lend him his strength and kill whoever caused him so much pain. Steve cried softly, giving a damn about his reputation as the nurse entered to check on them. She left to get a doctor, the panic attack could cause the young man serious harm.

Clint clung to Steve for dear life.

Phil had eavesdropped for a long time, he decided not to make his awareness known, first: he had no idea what to say, second: he was at the end of his tether and not able to cope with the situation, and third: Clint needed this, he needed to tie up the loose ends. The pain inside his chest was tearing him apart, he couldn't do it. He couldn't endure it much longer, he was close to his breaking point. Oh he'd never leave his archer, he would guide him until the bitter end but his sanity was on the line. Coulson knew that his own life was over the moment Clint's heart stops beating. He rubbed angrily at his tears and took a shaky breath. Phil rolled around to face his husband and friend, arm in arm and crying their eyes out. "It will be alright," he forced himself to say. "You'll be fine."

Steve gave Phil a heartbreakingly pained smile, "You're right. Tony and Bruce are geniuses."

"They're nutcases," Clint muttered with a tiny hint of humor.

"Genius nutcases," Phil reached out his arm to touch Clint's hand. The beds stood close enough to reach out for another when Phil lay very close to the edge of his bed and Clint reached out too.

"Oh god," Clint said shaky as he started to weep bitterly. He was never so scared in his life.

:::::::::::::::::::::

"There must be a way," Tony kicked the chair next to him so hard it flew against the wall.

"S.H.I.E.L.D.'s experts are on their way, we just have to wait a little longer." Bruce had a hard time not to transform into Hulk. The whole mess was frustrating and was tearing them apart. Tony was a wreck, Natasha transformed into the Black Widow without a trace of the woman he came to love, Barney hid behind his alter ego Trickshot, Phil and Clint were broken while Cap was the glue that kept them together. The super soldier gave his best to offer comfort and his help despite his own inner pain. Even Fury changed beyond recognition, the director was more dangerous and very short tempered. It was obvious that the archer meant something to him, what he wasn't sure because they rarely saw them interact but their feelings ran deep.

"That's what they said two days ago too," Tony hissed. The scientists got stuck somewhere in Bosnia where they kept an epidemic at bay to save a small village.

"Have faith, Tony."

"Faith," he whispered bitterly. "Faith was never on my side. I had faith when my mother got ill, I had faith that my father would return to me, I had faith when the real Jarvis got sick, I had faith that I could fend for myself during more than one occasion where has it brought me? I'm an orphan without my mentor, people died for me and I need Pepper and you guys to live."

"Is it a bad thing? To rely on us?" Bruce endured a lot of hardship too and knew what Tony was talking about.

"No," Tony took a deep breath. "No it's not," he found Steve and more friends than he ever had. They weren't after his money and loved him the way he was.

"Let's go back to work, to save our boy." Clint's death would rip a huge hole into their lives. Destroying Phil and Natasha in the process, and Barney. It would destroy them all one way or another.

"I don't want to lose the kid," Tony stared sadly at a test tube. "He's like the brother I always wished for. Honest, loyal, cheerful and interested in me. Not for money or influence but because he loves me. Clint loves me," he choked on the last words. "And I love him."

Bruce smiled gently, "I love him too. He's our boy, he's ours to protect and care for."

"I don't want to see him hurt again," he would wrap him into cotton wool if he made it and hide him away in the tower, at least for a little while.

"Professional risk," Bruce hated the fact that his friends weren't as invulnerable as he was when he transformed into the Hulk but there was nothing he could do about it but worry every time they went into the field.

"I'm tired of losing people I care about," Tony had all the money in the world and was one of the mightiest people on earth and he would trade all he had for his family's safety in a heartbeat.

Bruce placed a large hand on Stark's shoulder, "Let's kick the virus in the ass."

Tony nodded and they returned to their work.

:::::::::::::::::

Natasha and Barney marched out of Fury's office and headed for the quinjet. The agents around S.H.I.E.L.D. were scared of them, truly and utterly scared. The only emotion on Romanoff's face was anger, nothing else but the hate she harbored for the person who threatened her partner's life. The older Barton's expression was hard, with an aura that promised pain for anyone who dared to talk to him, or look the wrong way. One day ago a senior agent was stupid enough to make a comment about the nerve-wrecking archer and he got a fist to the face from Barney before Natasha kicked him in the side when he was already on the ground. They were dangerous and off the grid, they just came once in a while when Fury ordered them, and they just came because they needed the information the director provided.

"Romanoff," Sitwell called out. He wasn't afraid of them, they had every right to be angry.

She stopped, "Sir."

"How is the search going?"

"Not well," she stated coolly.

"Damn," he swore angrily. "My men can't find anything either. I have no idea where to look for anymore. Maria and Woo are searching frantically too, but..."

"Thank you," Barney said. It surprised him how many people cared for his little brother, they all neglected their work to help Clint and that deserved an honest thank you even when his pride made it difficult to say these words out loud.

Jasper's look of surprise told him that the man was confused about his statement, "We do what we can agent Barton." Trickshot's thanks was not something he expected but it honored him.

"We know," Natasha said impatiently. "We have to go."

"Of course. Good luck."

She nodded and walked away with Barney in tow. They had a meeting with a few Hydra agents in Mexico. She would tear the place down no matter if they were responsible for Clint's illness or not.

"I'd like to know how he is but I don't dare to ask," Barney confessed while he watched the NYC disappear on the horizon.

"I overheard Woo talking to the director, his condition is stable at the moment but it's just a matter of time when his condition will get worse. He has not much time left, but he's fighting." She felt the anger boil inside her chest, she felt like screaming and raging but that would just cost them precious time and that was one thing they didn't have to spare.

"Do you think he hates me?"

"What?" Black Widow looked at him, a frown on her handsome face.

"I made his life miserable, and I leave him behind again because I'm a coward."

"You're trying to help, that doesn't count as running away and leaving him behind. I understand how you're feeling, I can't watch him suffer either. So we do what we do best, we try to save him."

That made him feel better but he couldn't shake the feeling that he was supposed to be by Clint's side. What if he died and his big brother wasn't around to hold his hand?

"Stop thinking so much," she warned. "That will get you nowhere. He will not die and we will find that bastard and make his life a living hell. That person will wish for death once we start to tear him apart, piece by piece."

Barney closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he exhaled slowly, "What coward uses a virus to kill someone? What a caitiff person, honorless at that."

Natasha remained silent but she agreed with the older Barton, the act was cowardly and didn't do credit to whoever came up with this perfidious plan.

The rest of the flight was silent, both where lost in their own thoughts.

The Hydra base in Mexico was rather small but well secured. They were no match for Black Widow and Trickshot. They took a few prisoners and killed the others. Sadly no one had an idea who infected the archer. The problem was that they were indeed honest, Natasha could read that in their behavior and words.

"They have to know," Barney yelled after he broke a young man's finger.

"But they do not," she let her anger show in her voice. It was frustrating, that was the last known Hydra division who could have had a hand in this. A.I.M. was innocent too, this time. It wasn't their style and they had checked on them first because they had the best scientists. Kang and his men weren't around at the moment, a fact that worried them but in regard of Clint it was rather unlikely that they went into hiding and poison one agent while they're at it.

"It's something personal," Natasha said out loud.

"What?"

"It must be someone who holds a grudge against Clint," she repeated.

"The list must be endless."

"We need help," she called Fury and explained her theory. The director promised to work through all the files and order Stark to use his AI to speed up their search.

"I make a list for possible foes from our time at the circus," Barney grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, writing down every name that came into his mind.

::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint woke up in the middle of the night, he felt weak and his body felt sore. He watched Phil and Steve sleep for a while before he made up his mind. He had a few things he wanted to do before his time was up. He sat up and turned off the heart monitor so he wouldn't set off the alarm when he removed the pressure transducers. The IV lines went next and then the nasal cannula. He got out of bed and had to catch his breath, before he was able to walk silently to the door. He peeked into the floor and suppressed the urge to groan. Three nurses were talking close to his room and it didn't seem that they would finish their conversation anytime soon. So he climbed onto his bed and used all his willpower to heave himself up into the vent. He panted heavily once he was safely surrounded by metal walls of the air vents. Clint felt safe up there but he couldn't stay, he had a mission and nothing would stop him.

The archer made his way to the labs, watching his two friends for a moment. They looked tired and pale, purple bruises under their eyes told him that they hadn't slept for a very long time. He dropped out of the vent and praised himself for his still intact stealth skills.

Tony and Bruce were arguing about something he couldn't understand but it seemed important.

"How are things going?" He leaned against a wall for support, startling his friends.

"Clint?" Tony got up from his chair and put an arm around the archer to steady him, he guided their Hawk to an empty chair. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you guys and ask if you got an idea how to save my sorry ass," he swayed and Tony pulled Clint's chair with Bruce's help closer to their own. Clint sat between his two friends. Tony sat to his left and steadied him with his body while Bruce sat to his right and did the same.

"To be honest we still don't know how to help you," Bruce confessed. "We're waiting for a team of scientists, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s finest by the way. Together we will find a way."

"What's coming next?" Clint leaned heavily against Tony, resting his head against his shoulder.

Clint's bold move surprised Tony but his gaze softened and he put an arm around his friend, holding him close to his side. Bruce placed his large hand on Clint's back, "We aren't sure."

Tony swallowed hard, "Fever, organ failure, things like that. The virus is tinkering with the chemistry in your body and sits practically anywhere. For example telling your liver to stop working the way it should, it could poison you from the inside."

Clint gasped, that was a scary thought and worse than he had imagined.

"Nice way to break the news Stark," Bruce grouched. "Look, Clint. We have a vague idea and all we need are a few more geniuses to work out a solution."

"Will you be with me?"

"What?" Tony and Bruce said in unison.

"When I die. Will you be there. I want you around when I close my eyes for the last time." There was panic in his heart but this time it didn't turn into a panic attack that required medical attention.

"We will," Tony choked out. "You're our little bro, man. You're family."

Clint took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. "Good."

"Have faith," Tony repeated Bruce's words from hours ago.

Clint tilted his head a little and raised a brow, stating 'Are you for real? I think we both know better'.

"Maybe it's time for some faith," Tony fidgeted under Clint's gaze.

"I prefer putting my trust in you than faith," the archer took a shaky breath. He was tired and wanted to sleep but he was scared of falling asleep and never wake up. "Explain what you found so far."

A sad little smile found its way on Tony's face, his friend finally asked for an explanation of his own free will, while he was dying slowly. "Of course," Tony tried to sound cheerful and started to explain everything together with Bruce until the archer fell asleep between them.

Their arms were still around him to keep him upright, that was the way Phil found him. He called Cap immediately. Steve had woken Phil up rather ungentle the moment he noticed that Clint was gone. They had split up to find him faster, praying that he was still alive and not hiding in the vents.

"Oh god," the older agent walked closer. Clint's body was so still.

"He's alive," Bruce said empathically. "Just tired."

Phil swallowed hard and gave him a curt nod. "Time to go back," he wrapped his arms around Clint and pulled his archer's back against his chest. To feel Clint's warmth was soothing, "you can't run away." He kissed his lover's temple, "I was worrying myself sick."

Clint mumbled incoherently and snuggled deeper into the warm embrace.

Phil sniffed, it was hard to ease the sheer panic he felt the moment he laid his eyes on the empty bed. "Hold on," he whispered while he buried his face in Clint's neck. "I don't let you go. I can't let you go."

Tony and Bruce tried not to watch them, it was painful and gave them a sense of intruding a special moment.

"Phil," Cap ran into the lab minutes later and came to an abrupt halt as he caught sight of his friends. It was a heartbreaking sight.

"He's fine, as fine as he can be." Tony turned his head to look at his lover, "We have to do something." His voice broke and his eyes glittered with unshed tears.

Steve walked over to Tony and put his arms around him, placing a firm kiss on top of his head, "We will."

"Can you carry him back to his room?" Phil asked barely audible.

"Of course," Steve let go of Tony and put his arms around Clint, picking him up bridal style. Clint unconsciously snuggled against Steve's strong chest, letting out a content sigh. They had to smile at that.

"Can you do me a favor?" Phil asked after Steve left the room.

"Anything Agent," Tony's voice grew stronger. They looked expectantly at their handler.

"When the time has come, let me go." He didn't look at them, his back was still facing them while he talked. Phil couldn't look them in the eye. After he had said what he had needed to say he forced his body to move, Tony's voice stopped him before he was out of the room.

"We need you, he wouldn't want that."

"I know, he made Steve promise him that he would keep me safe. But at the moment I don't give a damn about what he wants after his demise. It's just me then, and I make the decision alone."

"You're our friend Phil," Bruce said carefully. "We don't want to lose one more friend. I don't think we can let you go too."

"I don't give you a choice then," Phil said softly, leaving before they could say anything else. He could hear Tony's angry yell, and something metallic bouncing against a hard surface.

Phil sighed heavily, leaning against a wall for a short moment to compose himself. I'll do anything but, please, save him. God or however your name is, I beg you. Help. His time can't be up. He endured so much in his life, and I can't believe that's what he gets. An early death, right then when he finally found a place he can call home. You can take my life if you want, I trade anything for him, my life, my career, my health, my future, absolutely anything.

Coulson punched the wall with such force that he left red blood marks on the white paint, with a pained hiss he turned around and walked back to medical. He'd left his archer's side for far too long.

::::::::::::::::::::

Clint opened his eyes and wondered how he ended up back in medical again. The last thing he remembered was talking with Tony and Bruce. Oh.

He turned his head, searching for Phil. His lover must be pissed, Clint had intended to return to medical before Phil woke up. Obviously, he failed.

"Phil," he asked with a hint of shame in his voice. Phil was reading one of his favorite books, ignoring Clint. Steve was nowhere to be seen.

"What were you thinking?"

The archer winced at the steely tone in Phil's voice, "I wanted to see them."

"You could have asked," Phil's gaze never left his book. He wasn't reading, he just pretended to do so.

"I didn't want to wake you," Clint raised a hand and rubbed some sweat from his forehead. He felt terrible, "I... sick." The archer rolled around and thanks to Phil's extremely fast reflexes he puked into a trash can instead of the floor. Phil rubbed his lover's back while he heaved painfully. "No," Coulson pressed the emergency button the moment the bile Clint vomited mixed with blood. "Clint? Come on."

Hawkeye tried desperately to catch his breath, his stomach and throat burned like fire, "Ph-il."

"I'm here," he kissed his archer's temple. "I'm here with you. The doctor is on the way. I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks like, okay?"

Clint nodded, too busy to breathe through the pain. His hand fumbled for Phil's, he held on for dear life the moment he found his lover's strong hand.

Phil settled down onto the bed and took Clint into his arms, offering as much comfort as he could. A team of doctors and nurses rushed into the room, forcing Phil to let go of his Hawk and wait in a corner of the room. The wall was the only reason he still stood upright instead of cowering on the ground. Clint's hands began to shake, violently, while he made choking sounds. His whole body began to shake while much to Phil's horror, blood found his way down his cheeks. Leaking out of his eyes, nose and mouth. The medical staff gave him medications, reanimated him and put a tube down his throat. Phil was too shocked to comprehend what exactly they were doing and the short summary was the answer anyone who asked would get. After all was done the doctors tried to explain what they think had happened. Not that they truly knew what was going on. The explanation didn't reach Phil's mind while he still stood in the corner, pale as death, staring at his beloved Hawk.

"Let me do that," he walked over to the bed and reached out for the washcloth the nurse was holding, ignoring the doctor who looked surprised by Phil's lack of courtesy. She gave it to him with a soft smile, "Of course, sir."

The doctor gestured the nurse to follow him, Coulson needed some space and time to say goodbye.

Steve gave the stream of medical staff a confused look until he realized where they were coming from, he sprinted to Clint's room, calling his friends on the way.

His hand hovered over the doorknob for a moment, hesitating if he was prepared for what he could find in there. He finally opened the door, "Phil?" The agent stood next to the bed, washing something out of the archer's face with shaky hands, his touches were very, very gentle and loving. One hand was placed against Clint's cheek while the other cleaned him. Steve realized after a moment that Clint was hooked up to a ventilator.

"Is that blood?" Steve stepped closer, tracing the blood red lines on his boy's skin.

"Yes," Coulson's eyes never left his archer.

"What happened?"

"He started vomiting, puked blood, and..., " he gestured to Clint's face where small rivers of dried blood ran down his pale skin.

"Out of his eyes?" Steve was shocked, the kid's eyes, nose and even ears had bled. That was terrifying. Tony and Bruce stormed into the room, followed by Fury, Natasha and Barney.

Barney took one long look at his brother and fled the room, followed closely by Tony.

"Come with me, you could use a drink," Tony grabbed Barney's arm and forced the older Barton to follow him. Tony couldn't drink but that didn't mean he couldn't keep Clint's brother out of trouble with help of booze.

"I don't need a drink, I need someone to kill," Barney grumbled but took the alcohol, gratefully. He squeezed his eyes shut while he nursed his glass, the image of Clint's bloodstained face and the machine that breathed for him was haunting him.

"He's fighting, that's a good sign," Tony needed something he could cling to. His friend wasn't supposed to look that way, lifeless, silent and still. He was supposed to chatter away, to be constantly on the move, being full of life.

"The question is for how long," Barney gulped down the content of his glass, grimacing at the bitter taste.

"As long as he needs to," Stark knew Clint was someone who never gave up. Not if he could help it. Jarvis's voice pulled them out of their personal tragedies, "The scientists are on their way back."

Tony's face lit up for a fraction, "That are good news. Very good news."

"Do you think they can help?" Barney asked hopefully. "I can't lose my baby bro."

"I'm sure they can," that was a lie but they all needed some hope, something they could believe in.

Trickshot took a deep breath, "Can I help?"

"Sure," Tony showed and explained anything they figured out, and tried, Barney didn't understand most of it but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he felt useful and was too busy to snap.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Natasha traced her finger's over the remaining lines of blood on Clint's pretty face. She rubbed her thumb and index finger together afterwards, staring at the dried blood on her fingers like it was the first time she ever saw human blood.

Phil gave her a moment before he continued cleaning Clint's face, "there's not much time left."

"Don't say that," she growled. Bruce put his arms around her to offer comfort, "there's still hope. Tony and I are working hard on a solution and once the scientists arrive our chances will increase."

"Go back to the lab," Natasha stated while her eyes were glued on Clint. "Go back and save him."

"Will you be alright?" He kissed her neck.

"I will be alright once he's out of the woods."

Bruce nodded and let go of her, "Phil?"

"I'm fine," the agent knew no one believed his blunt lie.

"Go and save our boy," Steve encouraged. He dragged his chair closer to the bed and took Clint's cold hand into his own, enclosing it between both his hands like he was ready to pray. He leaned forward and held Clint's hand close to his chest, "Hold on kid. We will be able to save you in no time, I can feel it. Just trust us."

Natasha curled up at the end of the bed, making herself as small as possible, placing a hand on Clint's leg, "Trusting Cap is a safe bet," she agreed.

Phil finished cleaning his Hawk up and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before he took Clint's other hand into his own, "I love you Clint. I love you so much, I beg you, don't leave me alone."

Clint opened his eyes, they looked bloodshot and tired. Their eyes locked and Phil could see all the things Clint couldn't say because of the ventilator. The archer loved him just as much and was ready to fight heaven and hell to stay by Phil's side.

Phil closed his eyes and leaned forward so he could press, carefully, their foreheads together, "Once you're better we will celebrate your birthday." That was an order.

Clint's tired eyes widened before happiness and deep love shone in his eyes, followed by sadness and confusion. His birthday was in six months.

"Don't think that way," Phil knew what Clint was thinking. Doubting his own survival and missing his own 'second chance in life' party. "You will pull through and I give you a party you'll never forget, right here if I have to. We will celebrate our second chance in life."

"I'll be there, your wedding will look like a children's birthday party compared to what we plan this time," they had totally forgotten about Nick who was standing in a corner, watching them. "I ordered our best science team back to help," he informed. "Give us one or two days Clint. Just two days more." He wasn't sure two days were enough but he was sure that was all Clint had left. Demanding more would be pointless, cruel even.

A tiny nod told Nick that Clint was ready to trust them and fight as hard as he could. Nick didn't expect anything else, the kid was Hawkeye after all. The young man who never gave up, who sacrificed all he had for fellow agents, the kid who didn't care about himself until Agent 'bad-ass' Coulson came along. "See you later kid," he left the room, heading back to his office. It was hard to see his friends that way. Broken, desperate and without the option that they would go on without the archer. Losing Clint meant losing team Coulson and that was something Nick intended to prevent at all cost. He loved his little dysfunctional family and he'd move heaven and earth to keep what he had.

"Clint?" Phil brushed his lips over Clint's clammy skin. "My angel, my precious angel," he whispered barely audible.

Clint was shocked about Phil's sentimental outburst.

Phil could be romantic, that was out of question but that was even for him too much. The raw emotion on Phil's face, in his eyes, would have taken his breath away if he weren't attached to the ventilator.

His handler was broken. Shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. The look in his husbands eyes was different from this morning. Hours ago there was, between all the sadness and pain, some hope. But all the traces of the hope he held were gone, 'Don't.' He freed his hands and tried to use sign language as best he could, with all the IV's and all. 'Don't do that to yourself,' his will to live increased drastically. He realized that he held the power to destroy the person he loved most. He knew Phil loved him with all his heart but he never thought that their lives were knotted so tightly together.

When he died, Phil would die too and that was a fact he couldn't tolerate. Being the cause of Phil's demise was one of his worst fears, that fear was so intense that it haunted his dreams rather often.

'I love you, I do anything for you. I won't let go, I'll never let go on my own free will. But should I fail you have to promise something to me.'

"Everything," Phil choked out.

'Live.'

That was what Phil feared, Clint picking up on his suicidal thoughts, "I'll do anything for you but that's the only promise I can't make."

Clint's tired eyes widened, 'You can.' He struggled to stay awake.

Phil shook his head, "I can't. I don't know how and to be honest I don't even want to try. Clint, you're the most important person in my life. You mean the world to me and I can't go on without you. All I want is you, not my job, not the Avengers, not a new love, there's nothing I want beside you. I'm damn sure I'm not even able to love again. When I close my eyes all I see is your smile, your eyes, I can even hear you laugh when I try."

'Your time isn't up,' the archer looked at Cap for help.

The super soldier didn't need to understand sign language to know what Clint wanted from him. "Sorry, son, but I'm not sure I can hold my promise," he confessed. "What would you do if your roles were reversed?"

Clint and Phil looked at each other, they had to smile despite the seriousness of the topic.

"Begging Clint to keep on living," Phil sighed finally.

'Following him,' Clint had to confess.

That were the answers Cap expected, "I'll try to help Phil but should he decide to end it I'll wish him all the best and a happy reunion." He took Clint's gesticulating hand back into his own, keeping it still. "I'm still sure we will sit here by the end of the week and celebrate to be alive."

Phil grabbed Clint's other hand, holding it tight, "I'm not ready to be a widower."

These words felt like a punch to the gut. Phil would be a widower, it wasn't like all the other times they spent in medical. This time was different, because they were married. The feelings were still the same but their marriage made it more 'tragic'. The term widower held so much meaning, it was such a personal tragedy that it tore on Clint's heart, bringing tears to his eyes. Their marriage brought them even closer together, things started to change from then on. Their whole relationship grew more intense, they both worked on it with all their power and the will to change things. Phil changed, even though Clint never urged him to. He loved his handler the way he was but he couldn't deny that he liked the new Phil. The one who came back home to him without his work on his mind. The one who learned to rearrange his priorities, putting Clint first.

Phil brushed his tears away with his free hand, "Hush. It wasn't my intention to make you cry." He cursed himself for not keeping his mouth shut.

Clint tried to get his hands free but his husband and surrogate father didn't let go this time.

"We know, son." Steve smiled gently, "we know what you want to say. You don't need to be sorry and you can't change what's happening. It's on us to save you. Phil doesn't want to be a widower, and we know that you don't want to be one either, just like I don't want to mourn my kid. I know it's hard to leave your husband behind. The feeling is heavier as it was when you weren't married right? When it was just a boyfriend you leave behind. The pain is the same but the meaning adds to the pain. I saw it during the war. Women losing their boyfriends and women losing their beloved husbands. They cling to the ring, the official documents that said they were married, the joined bank accounts, the children, the world forgets boyfriends but never husbands, ..." He lost himself in his memories.

Clint listened to Steve's rambling, it was the first time he heard Captain America struggle for words. The soldier was not sure how to explain what he meant and that was rare. Steve Rogers always knew what to say, and how to say it, to motivate people. To keep them strong and target-oriented. He squeezed Cap's hand and tightened his hold on Phil's. He clung to the two men he adored. Trusting them to hold their promises, or at least they would try.

Clint was tired and emotionally drained, he had no other choice but give in when sleep claimed him. He fell asleep with Phil's soothing voice in his ear mixed with Steve's parental tone of voice when he told him to rest while they'd watch over him, and accompanied by the constant fear to close his eyes for the last time.

::::::::::::::::::

Clint's condition worsened drastically during the next 28 hours and Nick had to admit that two days had been a little too optimistic. The archer was burning up while his organs started to give out. Coulson and Rogers were watching over him in silence, waiting for his heart to stop. Their life support system was the best in the world and as long Clint continued fighting they could help him win this fight. Nick's friends had already given up on saving Clint but the archer didn't, he fought with all his reserves. The doctors were surprised he made it this far.

Fury paced up and down the flight deck waiting impatiently for the scientists to arrive, he had a suspicion about the virus and hoped he was right. He actually, for once, prayed he was right.

"Here they are," he muttered not waiting for the ramp to open completely. "Follow me," he yelled over the noise of the engine. The scientists looked at each other but didn't dare to object, they followed him as fast they could with all their bags and equipment.

"I started to think these guys are nothing more than a rumor," Tony grumbled. "Take a look."

"Nice to meet you too," chief scientist Jason Munrow muttered.

"Later," Tony urged while Bruce loomed behind Munrow to make a point.

"Dear god," Munrow gasped. "Jeanny take a look."

"Oh my," she covered her mouth with her hand. "That's..."

"That's what?" Tony almost yelled.

"It's ours isn't it?" The director asked with a tiny hint of regret in it.

"Ours?" Bruce frowned, he could feel the green guy rage inside his mind.

Munrow cleared his throat, "We designed the virus to infect individuals."

"Care to explain how my archer was exposed to the virus?" Fury lived, literally, up to his name.

"A vial got stolen a while ago," Jeanny avoided the director's gaze.

"A cure?" Tony interrupted Fury's interrogation.

Munrow grabbed his cell phone and ordered the medication Clint needed, "Two hours. We provided the virus with a self-destruct mechanism. In case it gets out of hand."

Tony snorted, giving them his best deadpan expression.

"The right mix of medication will stop it immediately. But..."

"But?" Fury narrowed his eyes, planning their executions inside his head.

The director's thoughts were rather obvious and the science team tried to come up with an explanation that wouldn't cost them their lives but to their disappointment there was none.

Jeanny took a deep breath, "His body functions will stabilize, long-term complications are unlikely. His organs and chemistry should be back to normal in no time."

"I miss the but in all this," Bruce crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"He's possibly too weak to recover," a young man chimed up. "He might lose the battle against himself. His body went through a lot."

"At least one of you devils is honest," Tony got up from his chair, slamming one hand on the table. "How can you live with what you do? Where is the good old moral, if I want to get rid of someone evil I hire an assassin. One clean shot, case closed but that is downright cruel."

"It's what we're paid for," Munrow shrugged. "We do it, Asia does it, Europe does it. Everyone does it."

"And that makes it right? Do you know why all nutcase scientists create biological weapons? Because they think the way you do." Tony replied before he patted Bruce on the shoulder, who was close to hulk out. "Come my friend, I feel somewhat stained by their presence."

Bruce decided to screw it and grant his green alter ego one wish, he hulked out for a moment. Scaring the scientist half to death, "Cupid survive, or Hulk smashes you." He transformed back after a long hard glare and a wave with his fist. Bruce felt considerably better after his outburst. "Let's visit our Hawk."

Fury stayed behind to chew them out for not reporting the loss of a vial filled with a deadly virus, god knew what else was missing, until most of them cried and shivered with fear. He promised them, should Barton survive he would make sure the archer trains them two weeks. Showing them what it meant to be a real agent, at the mercy of whoever or whatever they had to fight. Without a lab they could hide in, without viruses and chemicals which made a nice protection wall to hide behind. What he didn't tell them was that Coulson was part of the promise, and the Black Widow. If Clint didn't break them then Phil would, and Natasha will stomp on them while they writhe on the ground like worms.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Two hours?" Phil asked hopefully. "Do you hear that?" He ruffled his beloved archer's hair.

"To be honest his illness might kill him even though they deactivate the virus," Bruce hated himself for crushing Coulson's hope. He could see the shimmer of hope die the moment he opened his mouth.

"The virus is programmed to deactivate the organs, we're lucky it didn't reach his heart yet. So I'm convinced that Clint will make it, as long as we stop the virus he will be fine." Tony tried to cheer Coulson up, and his lover. Cap looked like someone drove over his puppy. "Steve, our boy will be fine."

"I hope so, Tony. I hope so," he stared at Clint. His tone lacked its usual emotions.

"Fury told us they know what it is?" Natasha burst through the door, followed by Barney.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. made it," Tony deadpanned. "Someone stole it from them."

"So we have to look inside of S.H.I.E.L.D." Natasha narrowed her eyes, forming a plan inside her head.

The others gave her shocked looks. She was right, the culprit must be someone inside the agency.

"The nurse found a small puncture wound on the left side," Phil traced his fingers along Clint's ribs.

"The jogger," Barney's eyes went wide. "A jogger bumped into him, the day you left for your mission. It wasn't the first time someone ran accidently into him to gain his attention, so I thought nothing of it." He felt a strong sense of guilt. He had mocked his brother about her, he should have known it was her the moment Clint got sick. He should have known the incidents were related.

"How does she look like?" Phil's gaze wandered to the older Barton. Barney could see the fire of rage in them.

"She has dark hair, green eyes and a slender body. She called herself Rachel."

They fell silent, digging through their memories in hope to find an agent that fit the description but there was no one who looked like that, at least they couldn't remember her.

"We will meet with Fury and work through the files of our employees," Natasha announced, ordering Barney to come along with a silent gaze.

"Do that," Phil's tone changed into his Agent Couslon tone. "I want her head on a silver platter. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." They said with a wicked look in their eyes before they left to find the bitch.

The others didn't comment on Phil's order, they understood how he felt and when they were honest, they agreed with him.

"Two hours, love," Phil brushed his lips over Clint's forehead. "Just two more hours and your suffering will stop."

Clint was unconscious for the last 18 hours, but he was a fighter. Fighting against odds while everyone had already given up on him. The doctors, the Avengers and even Phil.

"I'm proud of you Clint," Steve squeezed the archer's hand. His friend was unconscious but that didn't shield him from the pain. It was obvious that he was in a lot of pain, even though they gave him the best pain medication they could give him in his condition. "You're so strong. I believe that you're the strongest of us Avengers, no super powers but a will strong as Iron."

"I envy him sometimes," Tony sat down next to Steve. "The way he copes with trouble is impressive. I have no idea how he does it. I was an alcoholic and my life was not nearly as shitty as his."

Phil smiled sadly, "there has been a time he didn't give a damn about surviving."

"What?" Bruce was surprised. Natasha talked about Barton as if he was a god, powerful and resilient.

"He fought for others but not for himself," Coulson took a slow and deep breath. "I don't want to say he was weaker, he just..., he fought, he never gave in but he wasn't scared to die either. Sometimes I believed he was waiting for death to claim him, to end his misery."

"What changed?" Steve leaned against Tony for comfort.

A smug smirk appeared on Coulon's lips, "I took over the position of his handler."

"That's it?" Tony blurted out.

"It took some time but I gained enough of his trust that he was willing to come back with me. He started fighting for me. I was attracted to him from the first time I met him and I think the feelings were mutual. It wasn't easy to convince him that people would be sad when he died but we managed to change his mind about us."

"There are many people who care for you, do you hear me hotshot? Even I might shed a tear or two for you." Or cry my eyes out when no one's looking. Tony bumped his elbow against Clint's knee, leaving it there. Holding hands and public affection was something Tony was uncomfortable with.

"I think he knows that," Phil looked at his watch. "You're his partner in crime after all." The archer adored Stark and Phil knew that Clint was very proud of the fact that Tony Stark of all people was his friend.

"You need rest," Bruce pointed out. The agent looked dead on his feet.

Coulson raised a brow, stating 'really?'

"I know you can't but the nurse could give you something. You're no help in your state. He needs you when he wakes up."

Phil shook his head, "Not until I know he'll be fine."

"You can barely stay awake," Steve understood Phil's reasoning but Bruce was right the agent couldn't persevere much longer. He was tired, malnourished and it was a difficult task to keep him hydrated. "Let us watch over him for a while, you know we will wake you."

"He's scared of dying alone. I promised a long time ago to hold his hand while he...," the confession confirmed how tired the agent was to let something so personal slip. They could see it in his posture, that he never meant to say it out loud.

"It's okay," Bruce nodded. "We can move the beds closer together," he suggested but Phil shook his head. Moving the bed in an emergency could cost too much precious time.

"Agent," Tony regretted the pity in his voice as Phil gave him a dark look.

"I will face it out until he's better. That's my last word." He would do the same.

They remained silent until Munrow appeared with the medication.

Phil had a hard time not to shoot the scientist on the spot, "Now leave."

"And you are?" He knew they messed things up but their attitude was extremely icy.

"Oh-oh," Tony mumbled. Steve was out of his chair in an instant, catching Phil's hand in mid air. "Killing him won't help him." He forced Phil to unclench his fingers and hand over the small blade he had hidden in his belt. "Don't even think of using a cannula or tiepin."

Coulson clenched his jaw, "I'd watch my back from now on if I were you," he said dangerously low.

"I-," Munrow was pale like the sheets Clint lay on. "It wasn't our intention to-..."

"You said that already," Tony narrowed his eyes. "Agent Coulson here, is Agent Barton's husband and if I were you I'd do what he says."

Munrow nodded and left after a long sad look at Clint. He was indeed sorry for what happened to the man.

Steve pulled Phil into his arms, "Calm down." Feeling his stoic friend shiver in his arms shook him to the core, "It will be alright. It will be alright."

Bruce slipped out of the room to find a nurse, he returned with a syringe. "Don't worry," he took Phil by surprise and injected him a mild sedative. "It's just a sedative, not strong enough to knock you out."

Steve let go of their handler, "Sit down before you keel over."

Phil slumped down onto his chair, he bent forward and rested his arms on Clint's bed. He stared at his archer for a long time before he took his hand into his own, holding on tight. "Liar," Coulson hissed as his eyelids grew heavier. He crossed his arms on the mattress and rested his head on them, never letting go of Clint's hand. Minutes later he fell asleep.

"He will kill you for that," Tony rubbed his neck.

"I didn't lie, it was a mild sedative. He was just too tired not to fall asleep," Bruce shrugged. "And I'm the Hulk, there's nothing he can do."

"That's what you think," Tony smiled at him. Their agent was a very creative man when it came to punishment.

"That was the right thing to do," Steve returned to his chair. "I just hope Clint doesn't..., he'd never forgive us."

Tony leaned against his lover, taking his hand in his. "Don't talk that way. He's our boy."

Steve gave Tony a gentle smile before he placed a kiss on his lips, "Does that mean I can keep him?" He grinned slightly.

"Of course," Tony whispered against Steve's lips. "He's our hotshot."

:::::::::::::::::

They had to wait and worry for three more days before the doctors gave their all clear. Barton was still weak but his body functions returned to normal. They removed the ventilator on the fourth day and most of the life support system.

They had just to wait for their friend to wake up. Barney and Natasha joined them after getting the information that he would live. Complications weren't ruled out but unlikely, Barton was strong enough.

Phil wasn't as angry at Bruce as he pretended to be, the doctor was right anyway. He needed some rest, almost killing Munrow was the best proof. But he would probably attempt to kill him again should their paths cross in the near future, worn out or not.

A slight tug on his hand pulled him out of his musing, "Clint?"

All eyes were directed at Clint as Phil gasped out his name. They could see that their friend tried to open his eyes. "Come on. You can do this," Tony encouraged.

After a few more tries Clint managed to open his eyes, just to squeeze them shut as the bright light burned in his eyes. "Phil," it was barely audible.

"I'm here," he caressed Clint's cheek. "We're all here."

Clint got used to the light and looked around, Phil was right all his friends were present.

"Hey," he uttered. His throat was sore from disuse and the tube.

"Be careful," Phil lifted his head up and placed an ice chip between his dry lips. "We have tons of it so take your time."

Clint realized while he sucked his ice chip that everyone was touching him, while their gazes were fixed on him. Barney, Natasha and Bruce had their hands on his shin while Tony had a firm grip on his knee, Stark did what felt right to him so he suppressed his uncomfortableness in regard of affection. It became less and less awkward. Phil and Steve had a firm hold on his hands. "That bad?" He couldn't remember much. He remembered pain and frantic voices before darkness swallowed him.

"Very bad," Tony waited for his boyfriend or Phil to speak up but they didn't so he took the matter into his own hand. "S.H.I.E.L.D. produces scary viruses somewhere in the middle of nowhere. You got accidently infected, okay it was not exactly an accident. Someone infected you, why? We don't know."

Clint needed some time to process the information, "We produce weapons of mass destruction? We're supposed to be the good ones, sir." He said with much less heat behind his words than he wanted to, he wasn't even that surprised. S.H.I.E.L.D. was S.H.I.E.L.D. after all.

"Seems that way," Phil tilted his head. "It infects individuals, it's not meant to kill the whole population of a country."

"Doesn't make it right," he whispered while he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Get some sleep. We will talk about it once you're up to it, okay?" Coulson placed a kiss on his archer's forehead.

"Okay," he agreed. Clint lifted their joined hands and nudged against Phil's chest, "Sleep-too."

"I will. Just a few more minutes." Clint fell asleep before Phil finished his sentence.

Natasha snorted, "Barely a minute awake and the first thing he chides you for is your lack of sleep."

"He's protective," Phil shrugged. Clint's recovery took a heavy load from his shoulders and for the first time in days he had the feeling he could breathe again. The relief took its toll on the agent, he felt emotionally better but his body decided to let him know that he'd overdone it.

Steve pushed the second bed closer to Clint's and guided Phil on top of it, "You can rest now."

Phil was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

"I'm glad Clint has him," Barney closed his eyes. He was tired too but he spent too much time away from his brother during his ordeal. It wasn't time for him to rest, yet.

"I'm glad to have them," Natasha switched seats and settle down in Bruce's lap. "He'll be fine," she put her arms around Bruce's neck with a smile on her face. She closed her eyes, it was time to rest. Banner put his arms protectively around her slender body, kissing her cheek, "I told you he'd be fine."

She smiled even wider but remained silent, she felt more comfortable that way.

"JARVIS looked through your files, yes Fury authorized me to do that, and made a list of the women fitting your description," Tony said after a while. "24 in total. I ordered him to ignore hair and eye color in case she changed appearance."

"Just 24?" Barney raised his brows.

"The other 56 were on missions at that time," Stark shrugged. "Better than checking out 80 women."

"Did you find any connections?" Steve wanted to know.

"No," Tony shook his head. "There's nothing. No deaths, no mission gone wrong, I have no idea what made her do that."

"We squeeze the truth out of her then," Bruce said calmly.

"The green guy?" Barney smirked.

"Of course. He misses his friend and is more than unhappy with me for keeping him locked up."

"That's so like Clint," Trickshot let out a loud breath. "He's a trouble magnet and tends to become friends with the strangest kind of people. It was always that way. The bearded lady, the scary gypsy for example. The bearded lady was a nice woman, but she reminded me too much of our mom. The gypsy on the other hand, she hated me but she adored Clint, she knew anything and was mysterious. She was creepy. Not to mention the friends he made at S.H.I.E.L.D., nothing against you guys but Coulson, Romanoff and Fury are very dubious guises. So I'm not surprised he's Hulk's best buddy."

"He doesn't take shit from me," Bruce stated. "Hulk loves to banter with him, I think it's because he's one of a few people who aren't scared of him."

"He lacks the right amount of fright," Natasha mumbled sleepily. "Was always that way."

"I don't think so," Steve glanced at his friend. "I saw him freak out. The doctor had to sedate him."

"For Phil," she yawned. "It's all for Phil."

Cap studied his two sleeping friends and asked himself how such a deep bond was even possible. He loved Tony with all his heart, he'd die for him, but something seemed different. Clint and Phil were different. It could be their work or the way they lived that formed their relationship the way it was.

"They're just clingy," Natasha read in Cap's expression.

He raised a brow at her statement, could it be so simple?

She smiled a little, "They're loner who found their counterpart after a very long journey. It was hard to gain a pace in their midst."

"They adore you," Bruce kissed her cheek.

"Clint brought me in because he saw himself in me and Phil kept me because he saw a frightened child in me. To gain their trust is a hard piece of work but absolutely worth it," her smile widened at the memory. "Phil was so jealous at the beginning, watching me like a hawk. He studied every move I made and analyzed my intentions. It was cute. Clint was so oblivious it was almost pitiful. I touched Phil once, I just wanted to see what happens. Oh, Clint almost ripped my head off in the gym. I thought they were just pining for each other, that they were too stupid to act on their mutual attraction, but I learned that day that they're just good at separating work from private. Coulson was laughing at me as Clint handed me my ass." It was the first time she ever heard him laugh.

"He beat you?" Tony asked unbelievingly. Natasha was the master of hand to hand combat.

"He is a fast learner and as far as I know he learned his hand to hand skills from Coulson. To be honest I think they let me win. No one compares with agent Coulson where hand to hand combat and weapons are concerned."

"That good?" Steve looked at their sleeping handler, it was hard to believe that he was able to beat the Black Widow.

"Better."

"I want to see that," Tony smirked at her.

"You're welcome to try," Phil turned around and eyed them sleepily. He was a light sleeper, not even his exhaustion changed that fact. He learned the hard way that carelessness could cost lives. Deep sleep due to exhaustion during an op could end with a bullet hole between the eyes.

Tony thought about it and came to the conclusion that it was safer to decline, "Not my style. I leave martial arts to you guys."

"You have to practice nonetheless," Cap chided. "Your armor isn't a flawless solution to avoid close range combats. We all saw your armor getting destroyed, more than once."

Stark glared, "not flawless?"

Phil's chuckle put an end to their approaching banter. "Idiots," he mumbled. "Now hush, I want to sleep."

Tony rolled his eyes but remained silent, at least the agent was happy.

:::::::::::::::

After two days Clint was well enough to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time.

He looked healthier and he was strong enough to order Phil around. To their surprise the older agent let him, mostly.

"Go home," Clint tugged on Phil's hand. His husband looked terrible, "You need rest, a shower and good meal."

"I can't cook even when my life depended on it," that was a exaggeration but not by much.

"Let Bruce cook or order something," the archer argued.

"I'm not going anywhere, Clint." The others had resumed their duties but Phil stubbornly remained by his archer's side.

"You need a break. I'm not dying Phil, I will be here when you return."

"We didn't get her yet."

"Post a guard in front of my door," he was used to have guards around. Not that they could stop him when he wanted to flee.

"And you run the moment I close the door behind me."

"I'm not in the condition to run," Clint felt comfortable where he was and that had to mean something.

"That's what I'd thought before you vanished trough the ventilation shaft to visit Tony."

Clint rolled his eyes, "You'll never let me live this down, right?"

A smile tugged on Phil's lips, "Nope."

"Thought so," he closed his eyes for a moment. "Back to the main topic. You need a change of scenery. You're here for, what, over a week?"

"Give or take," he nodded.

Clint sighed deeply, "You're not well."

"I will be."

"No, you'll not," Clint said sadly. "I heard you cry in your sleep last night." Phil said nothing. "You whispered my name. What are you seeing, Phil?"

"Blood," he got a far-away look in his beautiful eyes. "Leaking out of your eyes."

The archer didn't know what to say, he remembered the incident just vaguely, therefore their discussion about Phil's suicidal thoughts was rather vividly anchored in his mind.

"I see a lot of things whenever I close my eyes," Phil was still lost in his thoughts. "You got hurt a lot over the years but this time is different. Don't get me wrong I remember every single mission you bled all over me but..., but seeing you fade away. Getting worse day by day instead of better is..."

"I'm sorry for hurting you," Clint squeezed Phil's hand before he lifted their joined hands to his mouth, kissing Phil's knuckles. "I know it's not my fault, don't even say it but I am sorry. My sickness caused you so much grief."

"I know you are," Phil felt a tingling sensation where Clint's lips connected with his skin. "I'm so glad you're alive. What would I do without you?"

"You'd be bored," he tried to smile despite the sadness Phil's mood caused.

"Yeah," Phil smiled gently. "I don't want to get up every morning without seeing you. I don't want to go to bed without holding you. You have my heart and I don't ever want it back." He brushed his knuckles along Clint's cheekbones and down to his jaw. He huffed, "I almost killed Munrow."

"I heard about that," Clint caressed Phil's arm. "Tony developed a serious case of hero worship. I'm sure you got your first fan boy. Not a kid, oh no sir. Tony Edward 'genius, billionaire, philanthropist' Stark."

"Smart-ass," Phil kissed his husband with passion, taking his breath away.

"Wow," Clint panted with a huge grin on his face. "I want such a kiss on a regular basis."

"Deal," Phil smirked. "But first you have to get better."

"Oh I'm fine sir," after such a kiss who wouldn't?

"Liar," Phil's smile didn't waver. "I-..."

"Sorry to disturb your get together but I have a job for you," Nick interrupted them rather ungentle.

"No sir," Phil's place was by Clint's side.

"Come again?" Fury's eyebrows almost reached his hairline. He wasn't used to get a brush off, especially not from Coulson.

"I can't sir," Phil neglected Clint so often since they started working together. Leaving him alone in medical the moment he knew the archer would be fine. Sometimes even before he knew he'd be fine.

"I didn't ask, it's an order."

"Sir," Phil said slowly. "I almost lost him for good this time."

"You didn't," Nick was just as glad as Phil was but the new mission had top priority.

Clint was touched by Phil's words, the fact that he definitely reached the top of Phil's priority list, even at work, meant the world to him. "Go," he told his husband to save him from Fury's wrath. Phil needed this and it was okay, because he knew Phil wished to remain by his side. "Time to go back to work, sir."

"Clint," Phil frowned in confusion. The archer pushed him in Fury's direction, with more force than he thought he possessed. It was still a weak push but enough to make his point clear, "Go and save the world."

Phil looked torn between staying and following his orders. "See you later," he gave in.

"Cute," Nick stated dryly. "Wait in the hall for me. I need to speak with agent Barton for a moment."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't send him headlong into a disaster, not without me," Barton warned.

"Don't worry kid," Nick smirked. "He'll love his mission. I grant him permission to hunt down the bitch."

Clint looked surprised, "Really?"

"Really, kid. Who's better suited to find her?"

"Bruce said there are only 24 women who fit the description."

"Ten of them are still on missions. We need more time to screen them." Fury flexed his finger, it was a nervous habit he developed during his time as director. He gave up the fight against himself and gave Clint's shoulder a quick squeeze before he turned around to leave, "I'm glad you're okay, kid."

"Thank you sir." Clint knew from experience that the hand on his shoulder was Nick's version of a hug. "Sorry for making you worry," he added before Fury could close the door behind him.

"Don't do it again. Otherwise I'll be your biggest problem," the door shut with a soft click. "Coulson, follow me." He briefed his agent on his way to his office, handing over the files. He could see that Phil loved the assignment, the mischievous glitter in his eyes gave him away.

:::::::::::::::::

"There are just five left," Phil said absentmindedly.

Barney narrowed his eyes, "I'll get her and then...," he stopped so abrupt that Phil almost bumped into him.

"Barney?"

"It's her," there was a bunch of agents somewhere, he could hear them. He could hear her voice amongst them. "It's her voice," he started running in direction of the voices.

Phil was at his heels, eyes darkening the closer they came the agents.

"It's her," he'd recognize her everywhere. Her hair was blond and her eyes blue but it was unmistakable her.

"That one?" Phil glared daggers at her. Barney nodded. "You," Coulson used his famous agent tone of voice.

"Sir?" Their heads shot around, startled by his commanding tone.

He unholstered his weapon and aimed at her before anyone had a chance to react, "Name, rank, motive."

Barney stood rooted to the spot, overwhelmed by his emotions. He knew for sure she'd die the moment he'd draw his weapon, and they'd never get an answer, so he fought against the urge. He admired Coulson for his strength.

The other agents stepped away from her, not sure they wouldn't get caught in the crossfire.

"Judith Procter, level 4," she looked confused.

"Why did you do it?" Barney blurted out, clenching his hands.

"Do what?" She played her role well.

"Poisoning agent Barton," Phil clarified even though he knew she was acting.

A sly smirk spread over her lips, "Ahh, how is he?"

"Fine," Phil deadpanned. Enjoying her shocked expression, "Using one of our own creations doesn't go unnoticed."

"More luck than brain cells," she put her hands on her hips. "I hope you heartless bastard suffered," she looked at Barney.

"..." Trickshot forgot how to speak. She hurt him because of me? My baby brother has to suffer because of me?!

"You killed my brother," she yelled. Her face turned red with the rage she felt. "You got him killed."

"Procter," he mumbled. Procter! "He got killed due to a stupid rookie mistake."

"You left him behind, bleeding to death."

"There was nothing we could have done, so we left him behind. I thought he got caught. The police was close." He remembered their heist, over ten years ago. "I didn't know he died."

"Because you don't care," she screamed. "He bled out in a back alley. You shot him."

"I didn't. A cop did, but you're right I was the leader and decided to leave him behind," Barney confessed. "That's no reason to hurt my brother!" His raged bubbled to the surface.

"You took mine, I take yours. Martin was all I had, the only family I had left."

"Clint is all I have but I'm not all he has. Not anymore," he yelled back. "He build a life of his own. Have you any idea how many people you hurt in the process? You're not hurting me alone. You're doing exactly what I obviously did back then. You're not better than me. My brother is innocent!"

She opened her mouth to yell back but he had a point, she closed her mouth again.

"He almost died," Phil's tone was cold as ice. "You hurt my agent."

"You hurt Barton?" One of the young agents she had talked to minutes ago drew his weapon, aiming at her. His move was mirrored by his fellow agents. "You made Hawkeye sick," a young woman hissed.

"Phil, drop your gun." Nick overheard the ruckus, "She isn't worth it."

"I want her head," Phil continued glaring at her, waiting for a reason to shoot. "You almost killed my best agent Ms. Proctor, for a pointless vendetta. Dying was a risk your brother was ready to take for the money, just like we take the risk to die in the line of duty. It's no one's fault. But what you did is solely your fault."

"Coulson down with the gun," Fury's voice hollered through the hall, gaining Phil's full attention was a difficult task. "So that's her?"

"Yes, sir." Phil needed all his willpower to holster his gun. The other agents did the same.

"Maria, take her to the brick. I'll see personally to it that you spend the rest of your life behind bars for endangering my best sniper's life."

"Nick," Phil warned. Jail was not enough.

"Go back to your man and tell him the news," Fury stared her down. "Maybe and just maybe I'll let you play with her a bit. But you have to be a good little agent."

A very scary grin appeared on Phil's handsome face, "Yessir."

"I'll get you too," Judith promised. Getting a blow to the head from Maria, "Keep your mouth shut." She cuffed her, "I'll bring you to a place you'll love." Her voice was low and promised danger.

"Let me go. It was justified, I had every right."

Natasha, who had witnessed the scenario in silence appeared behind Nick as they passed him and broke Judith's nose with one well aimed punch. "That's what you get for hurting my brother," she wiped her hand clean on Procter's dress shirt.

"Romanoff," Nick groaned, rolling his eye. "Stand down."

"Yes, sir."

"Nice punch," Barney praised after he snapped out of it.

"Get her out of my sight before I give in the urge to shoot her." Nick pinched the bridge of his nose, catching her would cause him a lot of work but it was worth it for a change.

Maria nodded and dragged her along.

"Back to work," he ordered before he left with a tiny satisfied smile on his face.

::::::::::::::

Being in the brick with a few more very disturbing individuals was uncomfortable. She was glad that she didn't have to share her cell with one of them. The guards were everything but cooperative, they glared at her and denied her every wish. She got food and clothes, that was it. They even denied her request for books.

"Ms. Procter," the voice startled her. What the hell is Captain America doing here? He was her hero, a man with a heart of gold and high morals. Avenging the victims, bringing justice to their families.

Steve dragged a chair in front of her cell and sat down, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest while he eyed her.

"Captain America, sir," she said in awe.

"I'm here to tell you how disappointed I am about what you did. You're an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., you should know better than that."

"He killed my brother," his disappointment hit her hard.

"No he didn't, I can't deny that Charles had something to do with it. But as far as I know your brother lost his life in a firefight with the police. I saw the autopsy files, it was the projectile of a police weapon. The projectile nicked an artery, he didn't make it fast enough to the hospital. But Charles is not the reason I'm here, Clinton is. Clinton has nothing to do with your brother's death but nonetheless you chose him for your revenge. Why?"

"I want Trickshot to suffer like I suffered," she tried to hold his gaze.

"So you decided to take the life on an innocent?"

"He's his only weak spot," her gaze hardened.

Steve watched her for a moment, making her fidget under his steely gaze. "Let me tell you something, the Barton boys had a very rough life. I saw your file too and I know that they suffered by far more than you. I don't want to say losing your brother doesn't hurt but you found a nice family that took you in. You had everything, love, education and a future. They had not."

"Whatever," she lowered her eyes for a moment. Not able to endure the hard glare any longer.

"It matters to me."

"Why? They're scum."

"Clint is my friend. He's the son I never had, and never will have. He's part of my family Ms. Procter that's why."

Her eyes widened in surprise, "He's your friend?"

"He is. He's very precious to me. He has a good heart and you'd know that if you had taken the time to get to know him. And if you had taken the time to get to know Charles you'd have learned that he changed, a lot. He's part of the Avengers now and that makes him part of the family. We protect our own and don't take attempted murder lightly."

"Hmpf," she looked away with the intention to ignore him.

"I want you to know, harsh as it may sounds, that should you ever leave the big house and get into trouble, Captain America will not be there for you." He got up, waiting for a moment in case she replied. She didn't, but he could see that his words had hurt her.

She sighed deeply after the super soldier left. She always thought Captain America did what was right and that personal opinions didn't matter while doing the right thing, and here he was telling her that he denied her his help should she ever need it.

An hour later Tony Stark sat down on the chair that still stood in front of her cell.

"Stark?"

"Ms. Procter," he greeted coolly.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" She straightened her back, brushing a lock out of her face.

"Almost killing my best friend," he replied.

She frowned, Barton was just scum how could he be possibly be friends with Stark?

"I don't have many friends Ms. Procter and I intend to keep the people I care about," he continued after she remained silent for too long.

"He's squeezing the money out of you, that's all he does."

"On the contrary," Tony's gaze reminded her of Captain America's. "He refuses to take my money, I have to practically bully him into taking anything from me. He's a modest man. Satisfied with the little he has. He's used to living under bridges and back alleys, you don't believe how his face lights up whenever he gets a small present. He shines like a supernova whenever he gets attention. His brother on the other hand still has long way to go but he will make it. I'm sure of it."

"Why are you telling me all this?" A sense of doubt spread through her, the more she knew about the archer the more she doubted her own actions.

"Because you were ready to take the life of an innocent," Tony replied. "You hurt me with what you did and I want you to know that I'll make your life a living hell. For your information I donated all your savings, in addition to that I sold your car and flat. Donating the sum as well. There is nothing left that you once owned."

"You can't do that!" She needed years to gather what she had.

"There's no use for money in jail. Especially not in the big house." He got up, "I hope you learn from your mistakes. Avenging is supposed to be justified, and what you did is definitely not justified. It's criminal, mean and devious. It's everything we don't stand for. Have a nice day, Ms. Procter."

She let out a sigh of relief after Stark left, he had such a strong and mighty aura it put even Captain America to shame. They made her feel a tiny bit guilty.

Bruce made his appearance shortly after Tony, she groaned inwardly. "What do you want?" She snapped.

"I want to see the woman who tried to destroy my family." He didn't sit down, "I want to know what kind of person infects a human being with a deadly virus. Any remorse?"

"Why should I?" It was justified, Trickshot had to suffer.

He looked her up and down, "I recommend a therapy to sort out your issues. You should have gotten help a long time ago."

"I'm not insane," she hissed.

"I didn't say that, did I?" There was a green tint to his skin that made her shiver. "You don't have to be insane to need a specialist. But I think you have aggression problems and believe me I'm the master of anger management. I'm the Hulk after all."

She swallowed hard, "I did the right thing. I made him suffer."

"That you did but was it truly right? I mean you caused the wrong brother harm. Clint was in a lot of pain, trapped in agony. Why is it right to hurt someone who never harmed you?"

There was no answer she could give.

"I thought so," he nodded to himself. "You can call yourself lucky I deny my alter ego to come out to chat with you because I'm fairly certain he'd smash every bone in your body. Hawkeye is his best, and only, friend. The dislike for losing people we love is one of the few things we have in common. Pray you never meet the green guy."

To her surprise many more agents paid her a visit, none of them were considered towards her. They gave her disgusted looks, told her how disappointed they are and that she's a disgrace for the agency.

Coulson sitting in front of her cell after she woke up gave her a scare she'd never forget. He was accompanied by two more agents who looked at her like she was dirt.

"Sir?" She sat up, making herself presentable.

He remained silent, all he did was watching her. There was something in his eyes that made her stomach churn but she couldn't identify the look he gave her.

"Who are you?" The silence was uncomfortable and she tried to find a way to break it.

"We are here to make sure Agent Coulson doesn't kill you before you got a proper trial," she could hear and see that both man weren't happy with their order. They'd most probably look away should agent Coulson decide to make a move, claiming that there was nothing they could have done.

"I never met an agent as devoted as you, sir." She tilted her head a little to appear more feminine and innocent.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Coulson stated calmly.

"Maybe not but I always wanted to work for you, the famous agent Coulson. I was working hard to be good enough for one of the high ranking teams. Seems like I won't reach my goal," she spread her arms gesturing at the bars.

"You've never have been good enough," Coulson replied. "I read your file, you're just a standard agent without special qualifications. Stealing the virus was a splendid-achievement, though."

"My brother taught me how," she smiled at the memory.

Phil's eyes flashed with anger, making her smile disappear in an instant. "The only reason you're still alive is that I promised my husband to let you live. For reasons I don't understand he holds the opinion that you deserve to live."

"Nice of your husband," 'Bad-ass' Coulson is gay who had thought that? What a shame.

"Considering the fact that he barely survived your devious plan, it's indeed nice of him."

Her eyebrows raised impossibly high, "Barton is...?"

"He is," Coulson gave her a curt nod. "The funny thing is, if our roles were reversed you'd be dead by now. Because I'm not nice enough to ask him to let you live and he loves me too much to let you go unharmed."

There was a sadness deep in his eyes that reminded her of herself whenever she thought about her brother, "It wasn't my intention to make you a widower."

"What have you though would happen, huh? Taking a life affects more than one person. Did you think Clint has no one who cared about him? Did you think Barney is the only person your deed would hurt?"

She looked at her feet avoiding his penetrating gaze. "Yes," she confessed. The thought that she could destroy more than one life never crossed her mind. She was so fixated on her goal to pay him back that she forgot everything else. Her plan didn't seem so perfect and glorious anymore.

"Agent Barton made S.H.I.E.L.D. his home and every single agent who ever worked with him cares for him one way or another. Most junior agents like him because he's funny and easygoing, the senior agents like him because he's smart and reliable. He takes good care of his fellow teammates lives. He's long enough with the agency that he even wormed his way into Fury's heart. He moved heaven and earth to find the culprit, I'm surprised he stopped me from shooting you. Knowing him he has a better plan."

She shivered as a cruel glitter appeared in his eyes, "I want to meet him." Judith got up from the bed she sat on and grabbed the bars, "I want to form my own opinion."

Before she knew what happened Phil's hand reached between the bars, wrapping his fingers around her slender neck. "You're not getting anywhere near him," he hissed while he pulled her closer until her face was pressed against the bars.

She whimpered in pain, struggling to get free. The agents who were supposed to protect her from Coulson didn't move at all. They watched with satisfied smirks how he mistreated her. "You're staying away from us or I'll kill you," he let go of her and left with his two agents in tow.

She crouched on the floor of her cell, gasping for air. The agent deserved his nickname. Judith prayed that he was her last visitor.

::::::::::::::::

They had to wait two more weeks before the doctors finally released the archer.

Phil kept Judith's request to meet the archer from Clint, with success so far. Tony was the first who pulled Clint into a brief hug as he entered the communal floor. Steve was not so decent and took Clint into a tight embrace, holding his head against his broad chest like a father who was glad to have his child back. Bruce gave Clint a pat on the back and a smile while Natasha buried her face in his chest, mumbling incoherently in what sounded like Russian. Barney gave Clint an apologetic smile and put his large hand on the back of his brother's neck for a moment, tugging him slightly forward. The little gesture meant a lot to Clint, it was Barney's way to show he cared, it always had been. Barney used it whenever he was very relieved.

They talked Tony out of his plan to throw a huge party. Not because they intended to break their promise but because Clint wasn't up to it. They wanted him to have fun and enjoy himself and not to wait until the torture of his own party was over.

"Welcome home son," Steve hugged him again just to make sure he was real and not a dream. Cap was glad Clint was finally home again.

"I'm glad to be home ol' man," he patted Steve awkwardly on the back. It was nice to come home to people who actually cared for him, and that very deeply. He couldn't remember ever having such a warm welcome. Phil didn't count, he was his everything after all.

"Go and get some rest," Bruce ushered him out of the room. "I'll come and get you when dinner is ready."

"I can help," the archer looked at him with wide eyes. He was dead tired but he didn't want to be alone. Bruce smiled at him, he was glad for Clint's offer. It was a huge step into the right direction, "next time, cupid. You need more rest."

Clint nodded, giving his friends a long look before he walked to his apartment, with his ever present shadow in tow; Phil.

"They mean well," Coulson said. He was a little worried that Clint took Bruce's refusal to heart.

"I know."

"But?" There was definitely a 'but'.

"I don't want to be alone."

Phil flinched barely visible, the comment stung.

Clint stopped suddenly and Phil bumped into him. "Sorry," he said.

Clint turned around to face his handler. "I don't mean that I'm alone when you're around. You don't make me feel lonely at all," he raised a hand and placed his palm on Phil's warm cheek. "It feels nice to have so many people around me who actually care for me. I'm not used to such a display of affection. You don't count, you're my husband. I know you love me more than you should. Don't argue with me."

Phil shut his mouth.

"I finally have a family. It's- just..., how I've always imagined having a family would be."

"You're not in heaven, this is real," he could see the wonder in his archer's eyes.

"I know," Clint whispered. "I'm not meant to go to heaven."

"What makes you think that?" Phil leaned into Clint's gentle touch.

"Hello? Assassin!"

"Me too, and you told me once that I'd come back as a kick-ass guardian angel," he pointed out.

"You are you," Clint smiled. "There's no bad bone in you."

"Debatable," Phil said in his usual deadpan tone of voice.

Hawkeye laughed, "you're adorable, sir."

"That too is debatable."

"Love you anyway," he pecked Phil on the lip.

"I know," Phil wore his smug smirk. "Now, let's get you into bed."

"Naughty, sir."

"Sleep, Barton."

The archer sighed, "I know sir. No fun for a while."

"Even without sex, I won't let you forget how much I love you," Phil promised.

"I'm looking forward to it."

"I know you do."

They walked into their bedroom and undressed quickly. They were both tired and more than ready to fall asleep where they were standing.

Phil wrapped himself around his archer, it felt strange to be the one laying half on top of the archer. Normally it was the other way around, Clint loved listening to his heartbeat. Clint intertwined their fingers, while his other arm was placed securely around Phil's shoulder.

Feeling Clint's warmth and hearing his heartbeat made Phil think. He let out a shuddery breath, what-ifs circling in his mind. What if he'd died? What if I were alone right now? What if...?, what if...? What if...?

Clint tightened his hold on Phil's shoulder, placing a kiss on top of his head. "It's okay, I'm here," he whispered.

Phil let go of the grief he held on to for so long, mixed with exhaustion and bone deep weariness. It was too much to keep any longer, it wasn't his first breakdown but his worst. Everything was fine, Clint was well and he hadn't to worry anymore that Clint would stop breathing any moment. It felt so much worse than any other time had to watch over Clint in medical. What added to Phil's breakdown was the sudden awareness that it wouldn't be the last time. It hit him like a punch to the gut, knocking the air out of him. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after, but the day would come that was out of question.

Phil's breakdown turned into a full-blown panic attack, the emptiness in his chest where Clint once had been was suffocating.

Clint's name echoed through his mind repeating itself. The fear combined with the heavy sense of loss was what was tearing him apart from the inside.

"Oh god," Clint sat up, pulling Phil into a upright position. "Breath, love. Breath. I'm here. I'm here."

Coulson curled up into a ball of misery, pressing his hands against his temples, struggling for each breath.

Clint could see the endless pain on his husbands face, he could hear his silent screams. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh..."

Phil could hear someone talk but his mind wasn't ready to work with the auditory information he got. He needed a long time to make sense of what the person was saying. In the end it was Clint's strong voice and strong arms that broke through the wall of pain inside his head, "Hawk?"

"Yeah," Clint rocked them back and forth, "and very much alive. Alive and kicking, see?" He lifted Phil's head up and looked him straight into the eye, "I'm not a ghost. I'm real." He took Phil's hand and placed it above his heart. "Can you feel it? It's strong."

Phil could indeed feel the strong thump-thump beneath his palm, it was too fast but strong enough to convince him. Phil took a few shaky breaths before he was able to take deeper breaths. His skin felt clammy and he was freezing. "Don't leave me," he choke out. "Don't ever leave me."

Clint didn't say anything, it was a promise he couldn't keep so he decided to drop the topic. "Where have you been?" He asked instead.

"Somewhere without you," Phil whispered as if it might become true the moment he raises his voice.

"I'll always guide you, one way or another," so much to letting the topic drop, Clint sighed inwardly.

"Let's get new tattoos," Phil made up his mind.

"What?" The change of direction took him by surprise.

"The dates of our near death experiences are inked on our backs but I need more this time, I want more than a date."

"What do you want?"

Phil guided their linked hands to his chest, above his heat, A Hawk in style of a phoenix. Raising from the ashes, flying high, back to life."

Clint's expression softened, "Sounds awesome. Think about it a little longer. If you still want it next month I'll go with you. Deal?"

"Deal," Phil agreed. He thought about it for a while now, not sure if he wanted such a huge tattoo but Clint's near death convinced him.

He wanted Clint on his skin, not just his love and the loving words he wrote on his skin with each touch. He needed something permanent, a visual proof that Barton was his and a warning to anyone, reminding them of whom the archer belonged to.

"I could get a new one too," the archer mused to keep the topic alive. Tattoos were a safe topic, he could handle that.

"I'd like that," Phil's fingers traced the lines of the tattoo on Clint's ribcage. A dragon he got many years ago during a mission in Japan. It went down from the right side of his broad chest, along his ribcage and ended on the left side of his lower back. The dragon was rather sinister and possessed a strong aura. Phil closed his eyes, it reminds me of you sir, his archer had said, mighty like you, he had added with a cheeky grin.

"Phil?"

"I feel better, thank you."

"Nothing to thank for," Clint lay back down, taking Phil with him.

"Bruce will come soon," I kept you awake.

"I think he'll ask Jarvis first. They'll grant us as much time as we need." He was sure of that.

"To be honest, I was a little surprised myself about their devotion to you. I knew they love you but not how much," it was good to know that Clint wasn't alone.

"Yeah," we will talk about your breakdown. No matter how hard you try to ignore it. "My dreams came true."

"No more dreams?"

"Growing old together. Kids."

"We share the same dreams then," Phil caressed Clint's chest.

"Good to know," Clint combed with his fingers through Phil's soft hair. "I just have to convince my brother that it wasn't his fault."

"What makes you say that?" Of course his husband knew about Barney's thoughts. He was too attentive at times.

"He's avoiding me as much as possible, and the few times I see him I can see the guilt in his eyes."

Phil felt a tight knot form in his stomach, keeping secrets from Clint was nothing he was used to, he hated it.

"Phil?" Clint read him like an open book.

"I paid Procter a visit after we caught her."

"And?" There was a huge 'and', Clint could feel it.

"She believes what she did was the right thing to do."

There was more and Clint waited patiently for Phil to continue.

"She was so fixed on Barney that she ignored the whole picture. She wasn't interested in you, so she couldn't see what a beautiful person she was destroying. She couldn't learn what a kind soul you posses and how kind you can be."

Clint felt his skin heat, "She's avenging her brother."

"Her actions are not justified!" He paused for a moment, "she wants to get to know you now."

"That's what you're keeping from me all this time?" He'd sensed that something was bothering his husband but couldn't put his finger on it.

"Of course you know," Phil huffed. He had to work on his poker face at home but when he was honest with himself he was relieved that Clint knew him so well.

"I want to meet her," he could feel Phil tense in his arms. "I want to face her. I want... I don't know what I want but I want to pay her a visit."

"I'm going with you," Phil shivered. Clint put the comforter over Phil, rubbing his back to in a desperate try to prevent a second panic-attack. "Okay," the archer agreed. There was no way Phil would let him go on his own.

"Okay," Phil whispered sleepily.

"Let's get some sleep, sir."

"Mhmm," Coulson hummed in agreement before sleep overtook him.

:::::::::::::::::

"You have visitors," her guard informed her before he led three people into the room. Her eyes widened. Coulson, not again. Dear god is that Black Widow? Barton!

Natasha had insisted to come along, more than ready to break Procter's neck.

Phil placed a chair in front of her cell, far enough that she couldn't reach him but close enough that they could intimidate her. Coulson and Natasha stood one step behind Clint, guarding him from each side.

"Nice to meet you Ms. Procter," Clint said flatly.

The younger Barton brother was even more pretty than she remembered. Pretty blue eyes, soft skin, sturdy, well defined arms, very handsome face and an aura that made him even more attractive, even though she couldn't figure out what exactly it was. He was a little pale and a tad thinner than before she made him sick. It surprised her that he survived at all, as far as she knew he survived longer than any test subject.

"Agent Barton," she gave him a curt nod. Glancing at Romanoff and Coulson, their faces were expressionless but their posture alert.

"I heard you want to see me, so here I am," he spread his arms.

"People say you don't deserve to die and so I want to get to know the man they think so highly of."

Clint eyed her for a moment, "People?" He kept his tone neutral.

"Coulson," she gave the older agent a frightened look. "Captain America, Tony Stark, Banner, Hill, Sitwell, masses of junior and senior agents. I feel like a tourist attraction."

Clint felt honored that so many people gave her a piece of their minds, "Zoo. The bars and all." He wiggled his index finger in direction of the iron bars.

She gave him a glare, "Funny."

He gave her a lazy shrug, "Well, I'm a smartass. That's what they all say."

"There are many people who care about you," she couldn't hide the surprise in her tone.

"Had to work a long time on it."

"You're an orphan."

"That I am."

"How was your time? All alone, with that bastard of a brother."

"Abusive," Clint crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I lost contact with Barney a very long time ago. I wasn't around anymore at the time your brother died. Barney and I reconnected over a year ago. He tried to kill me a few times during our years apart, halfheartedly I might add, so there's nothing about him I can tell you. There is nothing I can say to make it right. I'm sorry your brother died, I truly am but it wasn't my fault. And as far as I know not even Barney's, not really."

His penetrating gaze sent a shiver down her spine, his eyes were impressive. All-seeing.

"He is dead because he was working with him," she pushed the fear that crept into her heart as Barton bent forward to rest his arms on his knees deep into the back of her mind.

"Listen, he might be an asshole. He might has blood on his hands but he's still my big brother. The one who tried to take the beatings for me, the one who stole food for me, the one who found a place to live for me when the social workers tried to separate us. Staying was not an option, it wasn't nice there. Being apart was not an option either." Clint's eyes softened a fraction, "I know how it feels to lose people you love. Believe me I do. I loved my mom. I loved friends who went out into the field and never came back. I nearly lost him at many occasions, " he pointed with his thumb at Phil, without looking at him. He knew exactly where his husband was. "Life ain't faire kid." He got up from the chair, swaying just a little. Romanoff and Coulson steadied him at the same time, keeping their neutral expression in place. Judith realized that it was something they were used to, not since his illness, no it started much sooner. It was a reflex they must have developed over the years.

"It's okay," she heard him say with a very gently look in his eyes. The warmth that radiated from his blue orbs tugged on her heart. A pang of guilt hit her like punch. Coulson's expression softened too and he placed a hand on the archer's cheek. "Are you sure?"

Barton placed his own hand over Coulson's, "Yeah, I'm sure." He smiled, illuminating his whole face, making him even more adorable. The archer reminded her of a huge child, starving for affection. "Let's go home."

"Goodbye, hopefully, forever, Ms. Procter." Coulson's expression hardened the moment their eyes locked.

"I'm sorry," the honesty in Hawkeye's tone took her by surprise. "What for?"

"That you'll never see the light of day again," he replied. She was young and stupid, to lead a miserable existence in a supermax for the rest of her life was a hard sentence. But she could call herself lucky they didn't sentence her to death. It was probably debatable which sentence was actually worse.

She huffed, hiding the fact that his words made her feel even more guilty. "Farewell agent Barton."

He granted her a tiny smile, "you're coming Nat?"

"Nick asked me to interrogate her again. He isn't sure she was operating alone."

"Do me a favor and leave her in one piece."

Phil gave her a look that stated clearly that it didn't matter what happened to her. She gave him a barely visible nod. She had no intention to let her get away with almost killing her best friend and brother. "We will see," she forced a believable smile onto her face. Making Clint believe that she considered his request.

She turned around to look at Judith the moment the door closed behind them, "So where do we start?" Natasha drew a knife, playing with it for a moment. "Ah, I know," she grinned dangerously. Procter retreated into a corner of her cell, trying hopelessly to get away from Romanoff. Minutes later the first agonizing scream ripped through the air, carrying far. No matter how much she prayed and screamed for help, no one came to her rescue.

:::::::::::::::::::

It took Clint a few weeks but he was able to convince his brother that what happened wasn't his fault. She went crazy after the loss of her brother and revenge was a risk they knew came with the line of work. Clint had tried many tactics to get his brother's attention and what worked best was forcing himself upon his brother, talking to him like nothing happened, telling him that it wasn't his fault at every opportunity he got. Clint's own behavior around his friends changed back to normal too. He bombarded Tony with questions, helped Bruce cook while they chatted. There was only one thing that truly changed and that was his relationship with Steve. The soldier was always looking out for him, he was always near. Offering protection and emotional comfort. It was nice, scary at first but in retrospect, awesome.

His relationship with Phil grew even more resilient and sacrosanct, nothing and no one was able to get between them.

Clint brushed his fingertips over his new tattoo before he put on his shirt, Phil had dragged him to the next tattoo shop after their meeting with Procter. The archer smiled at the mirror, I should have known he wouldn't wait a month.

"Ready?" Phil peeked into the room, he promised Clint a road trip.

"Yeah," he took his jacket and followed Phil to the parking lot. He gasped in awe, "Lola!"

"I knew you missed her," Phil's smile widened. Clint loved Phil's car as much as Phil. They spent a lot of time together working on her when they started working together. She was in bad shape back then. The car is one of the reasons their relationship developed so fast. Phil had used every opportunity to ask Clint for help, of course not so often that his motives were too obvious, and Clint had taken every opportunity to offer his help when he noticed Phil wouldn't ask. Beer, pizza and hours of talking brought them together. Getting shot at together and bleeding over each other was a big part too but that weren't very fond memories, mostly. Phil remembered how he admired Clint's sweaty body, his flexing muscles and how sexy he looked with all the dirt on his skin.

Clint on the other hand had watched Phil's skillful hands, the smile he wore whenever they made progresses. Glancing at his handler's sweaty body, admiring his build while his eyes shone with joy was one of his fondest memories. "Get in," Phil urged.

"Tzk, no patient where driving Lola is concerned," Clint shook his head in mock annoyance.

Phil began to laugh, warming Clint's heart. Hearing him laugh was rare and even more so since his brush with death but they were making progress. Phil's nightmares came less frequently and he had only one more panic-attack. "Come on, start the engine."

"Now who's impatient?"

The archer stuck out his tongue. "Very mature Barton," there was humor in his eyes but no hint of emotion in his voice.

"Love you too," he leaned back in his seat and put his shades in place. "Where are we going?"

"Surprise." Phil put on his shades, starting the engine.

"You know I hate them."

"I know," Coulson smirked, leaning in for brief kiss before he drove off.

They drove for days, resting here and there, watching this and that. It was relaxing and gave them time to focus on each other. No S.H.I.E.L.D., no villains, no psychos, no mischievous friends. It was just them, Lola and the open road.

"Oh-oh," Clint sighed. "The party, right?"

Phil smirked, "took you long enough to figure it out."

"Malibu?"

"Yep."

"How many people?" Please just a few, please just a few.

"Avengers, senior agents, the director, many junior agents, medical staff, technicians, more heroes. Hey, don't hyperventilate. I'll get you out of their clutches as fast as I can. I promise."

"Liar," Clint groaned. Phil liked parties, not that he'd ever admit liking them. "I'm doomed."

"Vision will be there," Phil tried to cheer him up. "As far as I know even Castle and his man."

"Blade?" He raised a brow, he knew he was the famous day-walker and all that but picturing him in Malibu, sunbathing on the beach surrounded by sexy victims was simply... something he should forget straight away.

"Welcome," Tony cheered as he greeted them. "Cool car."

"Don't touch Lola!" They said in unison. Tony stepped away immediately, raising his hands in surrender. "I don't touch... uhm-Lola."

"Good boy," Phil looked out for a suitable parking spot. "Do you want to go in while I park?"

"No," he shook his head. "I don't want to go alone."

Phil squeezed Clint's hand, he has always hated crowds. "I'm not going anywhere without you." He got a grateful smile in return.

They parked the car and their friends waited patiently in front of the mansion for them, whispering and speculating about their obsession with 'Lola'.

Clint entered the house rather reluctantly, Phil pushed him gently through the door. A huge crowd raised their glasses, cheering, "Happy second birthday!"

Clint blushed furiously, "Thanks guys," he stammered. For the first hour he tried to avoid all the people who tried to start a conversation with him. He wasn't very successful but it was bearable. He remember vaguely that Nick had said that they'd throw a party that'd put his wedding to shame, he was right. The house and garden was full of people, the music was loud, the food more than enough and alcohol without limit. Phil gathered Clint's friends around them, scaring the others away. "Feeling better?" Coulson asked as they settled down close to the pool.

Clint took a deep breath, "yeah much better." His friends left them alone, granting them some privacy. "Thank you, for the party."

"You have to thank Tony. I'd have organized something... smaller."

"I know," the archer smiled. "Sitting here with you is what matters most. Not the party, not the people who care for me. Just you." He looked at the clear blue sky, following a sea gull with his sharp eyes.

"You're the one to talk," Phil lowered his voice. "I was watching you fade away."

"I know," he looked at Phil. "I love you," he took Phil's hand and kissed him in front of everyone. Most fellow heroes and baby agents didn't know they're married and gawked at them in surprise, followed by catcalls and whistles.

Frank approached from behind and shoved Clint hard enough that he fell into the pool. "What the...?" He rubbed water out of his eyes, "Frank? Frank!" Clint yelled but the amusement in his eyes neutralized the harshness of his words. "Help me out of here," his husband was laughing his ass off.

"Sure," Phil suppressed his laugh and reached out to take Clint's hand but the archer had other plans. He pulled on Phil's hand and Coulson fell into the pool. The crowd fell silent, it was agent Coulson after all.

He spit out some water before he moved swiftly, most heroes and agents were sure he'd sock the archer one, but to their surprise he captured his assets lips with his own. They kissed until they ran out of air, "Jesus," Clint panted heavily. "Wow."

"I told you I'd kiss you that way more often, and it's your party. I'm Phil not Coulson," a sly smirk appeared on his handler's face.

"We should get rid of our clothes," Phil gave him the final proof that their relationship was nothing they had to be ashamed of. Phil was obviously proud to have Clint by his side and loved him enough to come out in front of everyone. Most of them knew but there were still enough who didn't until now.

"I like that," Phil climbed out of the pool. Getting rid of his shirt and jeans, agent Coulson stood in front of his men dressed in boxer shorts. Clint did the same and out his arm around Phil's shoulder.

"Holly," Tony came closer inspecting the tattoos. "How many do you have?"

"You'll never know buddy. You'll never know."

Tony wasn't surprised by Clint's answer, seeing the archer with tattoos was not strange but seeing Coulson with his marine tattoo and such a huge Hawk/phoenix thingy was. The bird began on his chest, above his heart, the wings were spread along his shoulders. Fitting the way Clint had his arms around Phil's shoulder in a one armed embrace. The tail went down to the left side of his hip. "What are these dates?" Steve asked, pointing at Clint's back.

"Near death experiences," Clint answered.

"That many?" His blue eyes went wide, "From your neck halfway down your back? And the font isn't huge."

"Life of an asset, and agent."

Steve's gaze wandered to Coulson's back and the list was just barely shorter, "Damn," he mumbled.

What does the berretta mean?" Bruce joined them, admiring the art.

Clint's second tattoo was again a dragon, starting above his heart, going down to his hip and the tail was wriggling down his leg to his left ankle. The dragon wore shades and he added a berretta crossing a bow close to his heart with their initials and date of marriage. Phil had the same tattoo close to his heart.

"You can come closer, big guy." Clint pointed at the initials and the date explaining what they were thinking by getting each tattoo.

"Never thought you'd get ink on your skin," Barney reached Phil a drink. "My brother always loved ink, too much for my taste but you. I don't know."

"I'm not as conservative as people tend to think," Phil replied smoothly. "I love Clint, Lola, ink and weapons." Especially the ink on Clint's skin.

"That's true," Natasha confirmed. "A little too much," she smirked. She'd caught them making out like teenagers in Phil's parking lot many years ago.

"Tell Tony about the history of your tattoo," Phil said cheerfully. Watching with satisfaction as her eyes went wide.

Clint started laughing while Bruce blushed furiously.

Natasha glared at Phil, "Never."

"A tattoo huh? Let me guess," Stark looked her up and down. Making her very uncomfortable.

"I was drunk, happy? But I'm not telling you where it is," she poked Tony in the chest with her index finger.

"Better not," they laughed at Bruce comment and the red tint to his skin.

Clint watched his friends banter while he snuggled closer to his beloved husband.

He was thankful to be alive and for having a loving husband, and for the wackos he calls his family.

The End


End file.
